I would never have sex with Danny Devito!! JSYK.
I wanted to dispute a few 411 charges on my phone bill. The service rep told me I called them four times asking for Lady Gaga's number.
We shouldn"t be alone together
you didn"t say that yesterday
you weren't married yesterday
Coming home soaking wet at three am and trying to convince the front desk man that we came from the library might have worked if I wasn't also roaring at everything.
he keeps trying to sext me and all I can do is respond with descriptions of what im eating.
All my interactions with my brother are drug deals at this point
I almost died in that meeting. Nearly dried up and blew away in the pure powder form of boredom
I know that feel bro
Check your mailbox. I left a "sorry I didn't have time to suck your dick today" consolation gift.
Omg I literally just wanna sleep with you right now. Like actual sleep. Not sex. Well maybe. But sleep first
This is the third time this year I've whored myself for a Netflix login. If this guy changes his password, I'm gonna fucking give up.
Or maybe pay for Netflix?
I'm not that desperate yet.
I also fell asleep on the side of a tree so like I hit my lowest point there but it was a good time
Not as bad as when you were sitting in the pond getting fed water
She used to be cute, back when we were young.
Oh well, so were platform jellies. Shit changes.
Conversations really do change when your social worker had your dick in her mouth the other night.
She said I can't embarrass her, the challenge has been set
He just took off his shirt. I'll text you later.
Randomize
