i met a boy and i'm in lovvvvveeeeeeee and we're going to vegas and getting marrrrrriiiieeeeedddddd!
let's be honest with each other here, that's about the worst idea you've ever had. you need to walk this one off.
The cab driver just finished telling me how leaving community college after one month was the best desicion he ever made.
I just got an email from a bridal website with the subject "Countdown to your Wedding Day"... is 11AM too early to drink the rest of the wine we have?
Just had a drunken guest at my hotel threaten to "throw a fuckin fireball at my face"
i am positive it's ok to drink. it's just pieces of the plastic knife i forgot was in the blender.
Just re-gained consciousness in the freshman girls dorm. Normally this would be awesome but I'm on the floor surrounded by chicks doing their homework. This makes me uncomfortable but I don't think they know I'm awake yet. If I b-line for the door can you come get me?
No idea. I woke up in the middle of the night to you drooling and gnawing on my arm. Then you rolled over, punched the air 4 times, then proceeded to talk about your hair in your sleep.
So I'm thinking next semester you should be my own personal maid, nurse, masseuse and chef in exchange for free lodging, any food you can find, and unlimited access to my reproductive organs.
We should have a bouncer at the top of our stairs asking the guys we bring home for ID...
My day in three words: secret purse cake
you did that thing you do when youre drunk where you rant about bruce springsteen, start hooking up with someone and then pass out midway through
I'm not allowed to have sex with him again. My vagina joined in on the protest. There was a petition. All my body parts signed it.
Nothing says "First Single Holidays" quite like getting baked with the guy that took your virginity four years ago.
the wedding party just walked in to the song eye of the tiger. i'm getting drunk.
I called to inform you I may or may not be getting laid tonight ...
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