i don't really know how much tequila is too much
I don't know what happened to get you in this mentality. This time last year your were ass up on a hotel bathroom counter getting licked by a stranger.
If we get out of this alive, I'm never going to a Denny's at 3 am again.
test run with donkey pinata disastrous. broken glass and tequila EVERYWHERE
There was a stripper pole on the party bus. Was being past tense because some fat chick somehow tore it from the ceiling while grinding
ughh I puked about 4 times on metro, no one seems to like the cool design I made on my shirt
Can she stop putting up all these passive aggressive statuses and please come out of the "I-want-to-be-a-pornstar" closet already?
I'm sitting in front of a fan naked drinking Gatorade. Motherfucking hangover probs
Tequila pump. I'm ecstatic your engineering degree has real world application.
Friends don't let friends go vibrator shopping alone.
Sometimes in life you just have to realize the security deposit isn't worth it.
The drag queen you used to date and the girl you brought over last night are discussing your sex noises in my living room. I'm changing my locks.
I’ve cut back on drinking and now my body can’t fight off all the bad germs without the alcohol. That’s why I keep getting sick
I'm going to leave the 5 dollars that fell out of my bra while fucking in his room on the dresser as an apology
You'd think that a rotation of two 30 year old men could keep me satisfied... WHY ISN'T THERE A MAN THAT CAN KEEP UP WITH MY HEALTHY SEXUAL APPETITE?!
Randomize
