I just got hit in the face by an old lady love handle.
PS Can you transmit a UTI to a sexual partner? I tried to ask, but the doctor just told me to abstain (sup Bristol) for my own good w/o answering
Eric and I got kicked off of karaoke last night. Apparently, singing about masturbation to the tune of "A Whole New World" is not appropriate and definitely frowned upon by the DJ.
I'm in my winter jacket and nothing else. very drunk. bring bitches.
Today was my first day of hebrew and I learned how to say give me sex... I think I can quit now
when she said she was from California you started sobbing. You begged her not to melt your popsicle because you paid good money for it and you just wanted to eat it in peace.
We always say that. And then its 4am and someone is screaming at strippers.
the most drunk i have ever been? possibly. the most drunk i have ever been on a monday? definently.
Lost gin update. Blackout me found and re-hid the bottle. Left a note to myself saying, "GOOD LUCK, SUCKER!"
COME GET ME FR THE HOSPIGAL'!!!!!
We went to the casino to try to earn enough money to go to new Orleans comfortably. I'm already drunk. This is a horribly immoral start to summer.
I just want him to come back from NOLA alive, without an arrest record or stripper glitter on his clothes...
Those seems like unreasonable expectations for a bachelor party honestly...
i am laugh crying so hard the guy next door stopped playing guitar
Let's go get coffee and handcuffs.
Basically I will actually need a reindeer pulled sleigh to make it to all the penises in one night.
Randomize
