the ice cream truck is coming omgomg
dude, it's 2 am.
but its COMING
I twisted my ankle last night doing a super high five with 3 inch heels on.
please come get me his dick is out. i'm sitting on his couch and his dick is out. come now
he was humming party in the usa while we were having sex.
That's what you get for drunk dialing me to ask what kind of flowers I like while outside of a strip club, after telling me you "made it rain"
Three people drank on "never have I had sex in a tractor." Iowa at its best?
Like lay upon bear skin rugs, drink brandy and reminisce of the yesteryear's before a majestic fire place? Because those are my plans.
I may wear a condom to jerk-off tomorrow knowing that my hand has touched surfaces in this bar.
You come home the day the world is supposed to end. Well played Mayans.
Just ate a gummy bear I found in my sheets. So yeah, 2013 is SO gonna be my year.
Next time you see his dad you should let him know you are now Eskimo brothers.
You slapped the bar and yelled "daddys thirsty!" at the lady behind the bar
To be fair I was thirsty
When she told you not to yell you looked directly at me and screamed "Man, she sucks!"
Please tell me you're not playing strip poker with your cousins again
I just set my acrylic nail on fire while trying to light my blunt
there is glitter all over my balls
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