Ok I love you more. To infumty and beyong.
hey, what are you doing? my roommates are gone for the night... you should come over ;)
nah, i'm gonna grab some food
i was mowing the lawn and found the coffee pot in the bushes
Should I be curious about Jeffrey randomly sending me a picture of him holding a crab, or just move on with my life?
I just did the math. 30.36% of girls I've slept with have cheated on a significant other while doing it.
My worst case scenario tonight is that I fuck a hot Swiss girl. Let that give you perspective on my life at the moment.
We have 24 days left before I leave for college and 21 condoms left in the stockpile. Are you up for the challenge?
Multiple bruises and a hell of a headache later, I have still to find out where the fuck I picked up the bottom half of a mannequin.
Cops are just so fun an beautifuk
Also just throwing this out there I don't think anyone who brings another girl back to your bed to share with you can qualify as a frigid bitch
Thought I was doing makeup today for a photo shoot for a short film. WRONG. Try I'm on the set for a Fucking Sci-Fi PORN.
He brought me flowers and then spanked me with a Doctor Who paddle. Pretty good night, as these things go.
Awwwwwww!
You sent me a very drunk love letter
Was it the one about pterodactyls?
I was disappointed I thought you actually loved me
No one can explain why there is Dora the Explorer shampoo in my shower...
Being high is definitely not the perfect addition to this family dinner. No. My grandma trips me the fuck out.
Randomize
