I can't open my eyes
Lol why not?
Because I have fat ankles and I'm drunk
I've been at work for less than an hour and have pooped twice already. That's what happens when you start sleeping with your roommate and don't want to use the bathroom at home anymore.
i have a feeling he has a nice dick. i can just sense it.
What can I expect? While all of my friends are getting married, all of his friends are tripping on robitussin
You were so drunk that you were trying to take pictures of a MILF at the park so you could send them to Adam, but you didn't want to "seem creepy," so you used taking pictures of her son as a cover. Needless to say, cops were called.
Dude, just look at these fucking curtains and chill out.
Also, we accidentally donated a bong to goodwill
my drunken justification for peeing in her closet was that her shoes were ugly
Between the walk of shame, bar fight, karaoke, injuries, number of bar check-ins, and variety/quantity of alcohols and Advil consumed, I'd say HookerFest 2012 was a raging success.
My new year's resolution was to squirt this year. I only have four months left. Help.
she just stared at nothing and then looked at me and goes, "that's a weird place to put the wall"
Sheila knows I only go down on her on Bastille Day. Valentine's Day we get high and watch The Neverending Story. THE SYSTEM WORKS.
Is posting a pic on insta of my previously dyed blue pubes socially acceptable?
True I am eskimo brothers with every one of my room mates, but it was only two girls. And 9 outta 10 times I was first
idk he wanted to trade sex for a triple order of hashbrowns
AND YOU SAID NO?????????
Randomize
