i'm sleeping with myself tonight because i remember my name and i won't regret it in the morning. sorry.
trent lit his nipple on fire and said "i am the only highlander"
mmm whisky
reminds me of losing my job
He came in, laid on our floor and started to make a snow angel.. On the floor. Then he just left never said a word. 20 mins later walked back in and dropped his pants, looked down and said "wow im happy i had boxers on."
There was blood everywhere. She was pretty good looking person though.
that wasn't rum that I poured down your throat while you were sleeping
Your 13 year old niece and her best friend half carried you from the beach to the pool where you then clung onto a raft and screamed about having pretty hair.
I had to put a towel over my laptop because the little power light was too bright. New hangover low.
I'm sensing a Yuletide blow job in your future and by future I mean tomorrow
That time we were having sex when you were super drunk, I kept yelling out, "Oh God," and you said, "You're going to need him after this." Idk why I suddenly thought of that.
it's the amount of time you spend on preventing me from puking that really cements this friendship
is there a way to say "yea i broke my wrist cause i fell down some stairs while tripping my face off on acid" without actually saying it?
Are you sure he's still you're boyfriend when you're sober?
My cat is watching me play with my new vibrator
Nothing like being naked and confused and clutching a scented candle...at least I woke up in my own bed though.
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