Dude, TWO hot chicks on jeopardy tonight. gonna be a good one
Dude, I am so turned on right now. Hot chick with glasses from brooklyn is absolutely crushing right now, taking whole categories. might beat off to jeapordy...
do another line during during the commercial and make the magic happen during double jeopardy.
I wish costco sold astroglide.
i wish my brain was less awake, and didn't try and picture what you were talking about.
i have a real life question, do ur boyfriends pretend to be vampires ever?
I hate that the only Italian aspect of me is I get red and sweaty when I drink
Just shaved my vagina. It's been so long I forgot what it looked like. You need to come over right now.
Nope, sorry. Already took my bra off. All down hill from here. My next act will be crying, singing, and eating girl scout cookies in the shower. You can come watch the shit show though.
First you say "it can't get any worse" and the next thing you know you've shat yourself on Christmas Eve.
OMG BTW REMEMBER HOW HE ORDERED PIZZA THAT ONE TIME WE HOOKED UP. APPARENTLY HE WAS HANDING IT OUT TO PEOPLE WHO LIVE IN MY BUILDING AS HE WAS LEAVING
Pizza and koolaid didn't even make me feel better. This hangover means business
Next year, please remind me not to be at a damn Super Bowl party with screaming children whose parents can't control them. I will sell the little suckers to the fucking circus passing through town.
I'll accept that I'm a woo girl. Just not the drunk cowboy hat wearing bar mongering twat bag type
Just opened my sisters laptop to "cute places to lose my virginity" googled last
I woke up naked in a tent. I was more upset that the air mattress had deflated.
just used my $120 dollar stats book for the first time to kill an ant... good thing i stole it
I just found two ugly toothless rednecks fucking in the woods in my backyard. The man shouted at me close the door your letting the stank out which made no sense to me cuz we where outside. Whatever. just another Monday in the Northwoods.
Randomize
