The cop didn't care that I was peeing on the wall of my dorm building... All he said was, "come on, it's 9am."
When you come back do you think I could print anorexic pictures of Mary-Kate?
about to try to wax my asshole... wish me luck
Just saw some airport workers running through the terminal with liquor bottles. That's my kind of emergency.
And he was super vague about his life, it was frustrating. I totally boned a homeless guy, didn't I?
I may be a little fuzzy on this, but I think at some point I said something about being a generous lover.
My boobs love her too. She makes them feel important even though they're small
Visiting Houston was a good decision for my penis.
What!? It's 7:30am on gameday. This keg is not going to drink itself.
oh the usual. high as balls and crying about the hunger games.
Ok. As long as I can keep Kevin contained to the room I'll be ok. If not u might have a naked puking Kevin at ur door
I can't get the smell of burned penis out of the house
So that guy from plenty of fish has a lightning bolt tattooed on his face. I kinda feel like I HAVE to sleep with him now.
Just threw up in a baggy on the airplane. The guys next to me clapped and bought me a jack and coke.
Livin the dream
Throwing my sister a bisexual bachelorette party was the best idea ever. I made out with both strippers and the hot bartender promised to "gay marry" me if I take him as my date to the wedding.
Randomize
