so later when i'm crying over him remind me that he once called his penis "senor weeper"
I keep trying to sit and the chair keeps running away from me
i got turned down by a girl after she saw how big my penis was and she said "thats not goin in me"
This Casey James character from American Idol is really gonna mess up my sex life.
Or maybe the fact that you know who Casey James is will be what messes up your sex life.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He was using OnStar to get directions to the bar. I'm pretty sure he'd have gotten her number too if I hadn't disconnected the call.
I had fun watching you interact with the world around you. Like a fuckin 8 year old kid who just discovered build a bear but really wants a cigarette.
Plus it's a good way to scope out guys. Have them fight for you, like real males do in nature.
I think I just legit sprained my wrist from holding myself up while giving a blow J. God dammit come already
Have you ever hotboxed under your comforter? Best. Decision. Ever.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I've decided to become a librarian so I can drunkenly quote The Mummy and have it be legit.
My uncle showed up to pick us up at the bar just as I bought a drink so I put it in my pocket #drunksmart
The good thing about country bars is that the men generally look like men. The bad thing is the country music.
This is a mass text. Who in the hell shat on my stairs last night?
He ate me out while I was playing bejeweled. It was the greatest moment of my life.
He tried to eat me out...through my pants.
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