i think my tv is drunk
I'm so used to throwing up its no longer a game of hanging over the toilet. Now it's just 'stand up, aim for the toilet, do my thing' then walk out
The irony of calling it Pride is that you do things that no one should be proud of.
Quick question... Can I call you daddy? Or would that just really made the whole 8 year age gap a bigger deal...?
Some guy is walking around the bar with his dick out. Health code violation?
Nobody has ever asked me for my honest opinion on whether they needed anal bleaching before
Also I climbed atop a mailbox with a toilet paper hat and a wolverine claw made of glowsticks, screaming at passers-by that they were going to die. Control me
The best part of that night wasn't even the sex, it was listening to her explain to her boyfriend why she was naked in her room while I hid in her closet.
I forgot to tell you. Your neighbor was walking his tiny dog and saw me crawl out of my jeep drunk vomiting and holding onto my bumper. He just said: morning! all friendly.
I just watched our fat male neighbor dibble a soccer ball across the lawn. It looked like Baywatch with diabetes
This girl just said she was late for class because she was having sex.
I just spent the better half of my Friday night alone, naked eating McDonalds. Not my worst start of a new year
He literally just patted me on the vagina and said goodnight to it.
She was trying to be sexy well putting on my condom with her mouth when her cat pounced from the corner of the room witch caused her to gasp and inhale the condom
i wish he'd fuck me as good as he is at karate.
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