dude, despite what happened last night, I'm not gay
took him home. told him i would rock his world. passed out. a for effort f for follow thru
im so hungover...we just watched The Perfect Storm and i got seasick
I couldn't accept the bj. My penis has done nothing wrong and didn't deserve the punishment of her face.
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A baby just go on our party bus. What. The. Fuck.
Speaking of ejaculate, did you get the side of your car cleaned off?
Bloody Mary Monday just took a turn for the worst... Just had a heart to heart talk with the cat about it's obsession with chewing on cardboard.... Time for a nap.
He's acting like I should like him more than vodka and Taco Bell, but I just don't ser that happening.
Dude I wanna go on a booze cruise
Dude our life is a booze cruise
But without boats...
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Woke up at 10 with bourbon being shoved down my throat and him yelling, "shot train! Don't be a bitch"
I feel like she is getting all kinds of bacterial exposure that may otherwise have been avoided had she been wearing pants
He threw me over his shoulder and carried me outside, all the while drinking from the bottle of rum he was holding, while my ex watched. I'm winning the break-up.
she and her cat are both sick as fuck so they just sat there looking at each other with her nose dripping on the cat's. both out of fucks
Go to the bar. Find a girl. Ask if she can cook. Tell her you have a guitar at home. Ask her if she wants to see it. Bring her home. Sleep with her. Tell her it's your birthday in the morning. Enjoy your made with lust breakfast.
Just had a threesome with a married couple.
Stop living my dream.
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