I wish I had my old roomstes number so I could send him pictures from lastnight... I had a blast banging his "true love" now that I think about it we're even don't worry about that gas bill you didn't pay. Ur girl worked it off!
my Econ professor just passed around his phone for us to take a pic of ourselves so he could learn our names. I am currently looking him up on my sex offenders app.
He tried to finger me at Disneyland! He tried to taint the happiest place on earth!
We had to go to his parents last night for dinner & ended up having a quickie in the bathroom while everyone else was outside smoking.. This is why we have a successful marriage.
No night ever ends well that starts with "you know what this needs? More tequila".
I dont think getting to 3rd base with a girl you barely know is the type of memory they had in mind when they named the park "memorial park"
It was like I was playing the clarinet on his penis. And I just kept saying I'm sorry.
Fucked a kid by the name of your hometown tonight... FOR THE WIN.. BF4L
Apparently there was a black out and the security alarms went off except I was convinced it was the microwaves and made ben unplug them all then got really frustrated cos he wasnt doing it right
You let someone poor beer into my mouth off of a balcony. Best friend test failed.
Haahahahahahhaaa
Apparently 'ewww' is not the correct response to him saying he has to go to a funeral while I'm there.
Sexting just isn't as much fun once you learn how bad he is in bed...
she went outside...danced, got some snow, and put cherry vodka in it. she was so proud of herself.
i woke up on the floor in front of the fireplace and my last google search was "fuck sponges"
Naw dude theres seriously a lobster in my sock drawer. Why?
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