You know you're wathing too much reality TV when you start adding commentary to every day life.
If Andre Agassi did Crystal Meth, what was John McEnroe doing?
he took his pants off right in front of me then just stood there so i went for his boxers and he said he was waiting till marriage
Just saw a woman walking a golden retriever and a vacuum down the road. I miss downtown.
He rubs his penis on back when he think I'm sleeping
ok. can u leave the new roommate a list of instructions for me? like what i need to be fed and when i need to be exercised?
Corn dogs constantly. And all.the time
Listen, don't freak out when you walk out on me masturbating in front of my roommate. No homo. He just needs to be put to his place.
Oh you have the munchies, Dad? That's great and congratulations on the weed but STOP EATING MY APPLE PIE
If you ever insult pizza rolls again, I will dragon kick you in the throat
Oh and Dustin informs me I'm a legend amongst the freshman, if you were wondering about my street cred
He staggered in with his pants around his ankles and yelled that he lost his pants
i just realized... if i ever hook up with someone on my bed, we'll be fucking atop my animated batman themed bedset.
Like, yea, let's talk sexy but also...LOOK! I SAW A CAT!
I can show you the world. Shining, splimbering vaginaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa
She was talking about how a garden gnome was hitting on her the whole night. We thought she was just that high, but turned out the gnome was that guy in the weird hat.
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