So when jo picked me up from the bar I kept apologizing and kept telling her "I'm just a wittle donut"
I love being friends with rich people. I get laid by association.
Just when you think you're never going to have sex again, BOOM you're naked in bed with a guatemalan
She's more of a "I'm gonna get herpes no matter how great her face looks like" pretty
i know it happened because it happened right beside me, and at one point on top of me.
You aren't going to like my movie choice because it's a Disney movie, but I am cordially inviting you to the couch for blowjobs.
Dude, you punched me in the face bc I wasnt ordering your tbell fast enough. Then when you got it, you threw it out the window bc, and I quote, "OBAMACAREEEE!"
Dude, you spit in your shirt pocket saying "I'm saving it for later" then dove head first into the pyramid of beer cans we set up.
I'm right down the road from AJ's old house and I'm getting mixed feelings. My vagina is remembering good dick. But the rest of me is remembering horrible times.
your phone died, so you started bawling in the bar
yeah that sounds like me
Things he has managed to cum on so far on spring break: my bikini, my back-up bikini, three of my four bras, two pairs of panties, four beds, six chairs, the floor of several hotel rooms, the window/door to the balcony from both sides, my tits, my face, my stomach, his stomach, my ass, his best friend's girlfriend's face, and his best friend's dick.
Just FYI spring break is over and you're supposed to be back in class but hey sounds like you had your orgy so congrats.
I'm pretty sure she tried to draw a self portrait out of her vomit. Then you tried to help, but passed out in the vomit.
I farted in the parking garage and it echoed.
seriously i don't trust him. he fed me a hot dog out of a crock pot and gave me moonshine dashed jager bombs.
Sextember may be over, but Cocktober is just beginning!!!
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