end the night at a gay bar...not sure how...but why the fuck do i have two condoms in my pocket?
i guess i had fun last thursday night because when i got on the drunk bus this thursday night everyone immediatley started chanting my name and telling me to do a bus flip
whats a bus flip?
idk but apparently i invented it
We asked "Is that Andy puking in the bushes, its 7 AM" he looks up and goes "It's okay guys, its 7:30"
btw good call for not making out for a pitcher of vodka, this hangover is bad enough
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we put a pacifier in your mouth because you kept drunkenly singing country music.
Oh my god what did I do. My hands are scraped, there are pickles on the floor, my clothes are wet, and I don't remember how I get here. Thank you.
Well pulled into the driveway, and there she was. Kinda like a Vegas version of the mint on a pillow
In the 2nd smartest move of my day your ringtone for when you call is now the Space Jam theme.
I just laughed so hard that my back cracked so hard that I thought I was cumming. Magic
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Between having seen you naked and interpreting your values based on the occasional political FB post, you're no stranger for sure.
He looked me deeply in the eyes and said "I don't want this to be the last time I see you.. Can I follow you on Instagram"
New rule: if you don't think racism exists, you don't get to put your penis inside me.
Dude I used amphetamines responsibly today though. I snorted one in the am for work and then chewed one in the pm for other work. I'm an adult.
can you come here so we can have really loud sex? the girl upstairs walks so loud i want her to know how it feels
of course
Excuse me I just made a hot pocket without burning down the house, I think i can do anything.
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