I'm sitting at the gyno watching cnn in the waiting room
Everyone is walking funny when they come out, ugh I'm not looking forward to this
please stop referring to my baby as "your little fucker"
Then they all walked away with the drinks I bought them, and the fat one slapped me in the face. I left and my car had been towed. Worst night ever.
My walk of shame was far more interesting today. He's moving and was cleaning out his apartment, so not only was I carrying my clothes, I also walked away with 4 bottles of cheap wine and a jar of ragu.
No, not at all. Pulling a condom out of your vag at 2pm is NOTHING like finding $10 in your winter coat. Stop trying to make me feel better.
This is a test of Andrews drunk texting, had this been an actual drunk text, all the words would be spelled incorrectly and would be missing key verbs and nouns, followed by a request to not get fired.
Did you pour a hundred fucking pounds of sand in my car last night?
lol... you weighed it?
I cannot be this high in this house. This house has so many of my secrets in its walls.
do we own a ladder
We do not.
then how am i on the roof
Okay. So my choices are the sleeping Guy who looks about twelve and a man that looks like he was the original sandman. Im gonna need a beer for this......
There is a reason my most meaningful relationship since 2012 has been with Duracel...
And today, on Faces I'd Like to Sit On .... The starting line up of the German National Football team
So you thought it was a good idea to make plans for the same time same place with the guy you were sort of dating AND his best friend you slept with?
is it fun? or sober?
The sex would be better if it wasn’t interrupted because his home detention ankle monitor needed charging. At least I know he’s not cheating on me
Do you even hear yourself?
Randomize
