I'm drunk at a fancy martini bar, wearing jeans, drinking cheap vodka that I brought in my purse. Got thrown out of court for using my cell phone. All in all calling Thursday a success.
thus making me awesome and them whores
Just did the walk of shame across state lines...milestone?
He just said "Chunky" very loudly in his sleep.
Maybe she got knocked up by accident. I still refuse to believe that anyone actually INTENTIONALLY gets pregnant.
I also would have accepted most things ending in "job", erotic favors, and food.
Im about to embark on a date with someone who shit in my car. How did this become my life?
I threw up sweet potatoes. Worst thing to throw up ever. They came back mashed.
That moment when you see yourself in a security camera feed and realize you forgot a bra. And pants.
HOW THE FUCK CAN YOU NOT REMEMBER WHIPPING IT OUT AND PUTTING ON THE BAR?
By the way, you're banned for life.
It's my day off, I'm going to Target to check out Moms in yoga pants
he drove over two hours to fuck me and came in 3 minutes. he got mad when I asked him if it was worth it...
well at least you got laid last nighT. I woke up on a pile of laundry
Well, he pretended he was climbing me like he was a monkey and I was a tree during sex.
Mom got drunk as hell, crashed Dad's wedding and some how left with the best man. This is why you should be glad you aren't my sibling.
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