why wash my dick in the morning if you're not there to suck it?
i just heard Winston Churchill in auto-tune. thank you nerds.
Just found a shot glass and plan b in my backpack...
Im guessing the shot glass is for plan c?
I just realized that I'm gonna have to lower my standards if I want random head.
VODKA 4LOKO BEER NOT IN THE CLEAR
after the shots you kept on yelling "this is for the dreamers"
I think I'll handle my grief by throwing myself headlong into lesbianism. Seems like a fitting tribute to you.
Sorry about flashing you in front of your mom.
Where are you? We're in between the guy dressed as a giant inflatable penis and the Justin Bieber lookalike lesbians
Does the penis have a genital wart?
See,its just the last time this situation happened I ended up hiding in a closet on my birthday
Why do I feel like I need to drink to feel better about the things I do when I'm drunk
I bought 10 disposable adhesive bras and duct tape. If Home Depot can't help my breasts defy gravity, nothing will...
LMAO
Afternoon delight is playing while I take a shit at mcdonalds
He was so wasted he lit his sink on fire with shit he found in his room....it was smokeless. Chemistry majors drunk = the coolest shit ever.
ah lol cocaine is strange when I dose I feel like an elephant running through a grocery store
Randomize
