If you die in college, do you die in real life?
i now have a sippy cup solely for the purpose of drinking alcohol out of...am i an alcoholic?
She just used a chaser for red wine.
Some bum walked up and watched me getting head last night for like 5 mins before I noticed him
my grandma just told me that size does matter, and don't let anyone tell you anything different.
you're in nursing school, now tell me what to do about a burned clit.
This is a dangerous game of "whose life is more pathetic".
I wasn't sure how he was going to followup "so,i shot myself.." i guess "w a nail gun" is the best choice out of what I expected
I had to watch them play Salty Cracker. I have never seen a grown man cry with a boner before
I'm bringing cupcakes to work today as an apology for my actions at the bar last night, my boss probably can't look at me the same ever again
Went into Walmart to get a pregnancy test. Came out with a beta fish and chocolate.
Turns out the bartender I fucked is the bar owner. WHY THE FUCK DO I PAY FOR HALF MY DRINKS? IS SEX NOT TIP ENOUGH?
I was going to do a cardio thing but then tacos.
It's official. Post baseball sex is better than post hockey sex. I hope the Blue Jays win the world series.
Stumbled out of my bed this morning into the bathroom at 8 am still drunk, obviously. The Mormon on my floor was in the bathroom. I could practically hear her doing hail marys for me.
Randomize
