Tell me I did not drive one hour for whiskey dick.
On the way home from Florida I threw up at the beginning border and ending border of 6 states. You win this year Spring Break.
remember the used condom we threw behind my bed? my mom found it and is accusing me and making a big deal out of it,
Haha! You pissed me off, so I actually told her to go look behind your bed. Good thing I moved to Nevada, so your dad can't kick my ass. Good luck bitch.
The pick up line I used was "Grab my sack, you'll be back." Then I winked at her.
Omg. I bid $3000 on a cave in Afghanistan on EBay last night.
I agree though, his intact virginity is truly the tragedy of the century.
somehow I feel like "adventures with cocaine and molly" wouldn't be an appropriate "How I Spent My Spring Break" essay topic.
Gotcha. How bad is it?
Well to compare it to something I would say it what's that walls would like inside the primate exhibit at the zoo after a group of monkeys finished throwing feces at each other all afternoon
The cop let us off with a warning because I had more Twitter followers than he did. The future is terrifying.
I'm about to order this penis-casting kit so text me within 5 mins if you're not down
Well the streak is over, I saw a penis today
I met his parents. We played twister. My boob popped out.
Ps I took your recycling out, the 9 champagne bottles, vodka bottle, and tequila bottle is how I knew it was yours
I will fuck anyone who brings me mcdonalds right now
when i woke up with rugburns on the tops of my feet, knees, and chin i was a little confused. and then i remembered i had sex with him in his friends walk in closet.
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