I chugged a bottle of robotussein and i ducking saw a blind lady on a purch sewing a shirt! And a tree portal
you know you've been playing too much mario kart when you see a curve in the road ahead and see yourself drifting around it
I'm retiring my vagina. Better yet I'm Farve-ing it.
Def the best call fo sho
That way it can come out of retirement anytime and play for different teams. And it can wear Wranglers.
captain morgan taught me last night that resee's puffs are way better when eaten straight out of the sink.
Rode a jet ski for the first time three days after I lost my virginity. Hell of a week for my vagina.
Hate is such a strong word! I prefer to think that you strongly dislike me due to the honesty I show towards your routine shortcomings of success in life.
I came in your room, you looked at me and said "I fucked up" and then some kid showed up and took you to the hospital
They flooded the bathroom and their version of cleaning it up was to throw our couch cushions on it. That's when I decided to chug tequila and go drunk bowling. So hitting the kid with my ball is really their fault.
Drinking and pointing where stuff needs to go is hard stuff.
Just don't let me get too drunk. At one point I pulled out my dick and pissed at that party. Like on the wall.
I went home with him again and he LEFT HIS OWN HOUSE at 2 in the morning while I was IN THE BATHROOM.
What's the best way to tell someone that I accidentally wound up in a gay harem?
Even in drag you're still better looking than your sister.
Look, I need your help, not your judgment.
I am no longer and illegal Moonshiner. I just made thousands of gallons of incredibly High test alcohol with police watching and waiting for thare couple of jugs so that they can bring home and disinfect their houses with it. I'm fat with money at the moment.
Randomize
