then for some reason i googled "how much to buy a cannon"
Dude, this old lady messaged me on Facebook talking about her grandson and wanted to know shit about me. I'd almost call her a cougar except she looks like mashed potatoes that have come alive.
Listening to her yell about my drinking problem is not helping my hangover.
its preseason football. its like non alcoholic beer. who gives a fuck
What's bad is when she said "what hobo did you steal this dick from?"
Well, I just hope you know I had your best interests at heart when I put your sandwich down my pants.
you were sitting on your bed looking out the window, rocking back and forth naked, saying how peaceful it looked outside
I just got licked by a stripper, not so great anymore.
threw up in the library. i should be embarrassed, but i'm willing to bet that i'm one of the first so i'm kinda proud.
Ladystoner tip: if eyes are bloodshot, lime green eyeliner makes them appear less red. its basic artt.
You just met him on Thursday, and you've already nicknamed him Golden Penis?
I think I'm still drunk and I think you were in my dream (sadly, it was not a sexual bill murray one).
You were drinking whiskey from a beer bottle i dont know what you really expected...
Seriously my new passion in life is the girth of his penis
and i thought it was paint or jizz but it was cheese
please tell me you didnt taste test that
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