Just threw up at the table during our Father's Day dinner. And I managed to get quite a bit on dad, so that was nice.
In retrospect pumpkin carving while drinking Patron was a bad idea.
I just smoked my last bit of kief with a grill lighter. This is what crackheads must feel like.
i mean, i stole her boyfriend and beat her snake score on facebook within 48 hours. not her week.
You basically tried to anal probe my passed out friend with a lamp
He bought me dinner. He gave me his jacket when I was cold. And then ate me out in the passenger sear of the car.
God you people are gross. Come collect your unconscious friend.
Just ate a whole pizza by myself. Wearing my indian headdress again. its really cool with the french braids. I look like fucking pocahontas or some shit.
It was so weird. She left to go to the bathroom and her older sister leaned towards me with a creepy smile and said, "You don't deserve her" and then continued to stare at me with a crazy expression for the rest of the evening.
That's kinky shit dude.
on a brighter note, the cop thought i could kick adams ass if it came down to that and said he had $20 on me if it ever happens
Woke up with your brother in my bed...where do you want me to return him?
A 74 year old man offered to let me sleep on his pull out couch last night.
Is there a hallmark card for "could you please slide the FUCK out of my DMs"....?
I just had drunken sex with an eagle scout behind the boy scouts of america building. what has my life come to?!
in fetal position in his closet not sure if he knows im here... hugging his spongebob cake pan i stole.... now please come find me..
Randomize
