lol you are funny thanks bro I'll take you to a strip club
I don't wanna go to a strip club I'd rather get my boobs free or earn them from a series of good deeds
Ha! What's wrong with that? Hard work deserves compensation. I accept cash, checks, and boobies!
i dont nkow, theres a guy slesping next to me and im wearing 8 tsthirts? wtf happened last night? will you come get me.
i think im in thre room next to you
so my phone accidentally called my dad from my purse at 2:14am....he has a 5 min voicemail of me discussing how Alicia should bang the guy who eats good pussy... i can never look at my dad in the face again....
you called to congratulate me on being the reason you lost never have i ever
For future reference, the words 'big' and 'problem' should be used sparingly with a person whom you have recently had copious amounts of unprotected sex
I'm sorry for throwing the cheese everywhere, but it wasn't my fault. No one was enforcing disipline so not really my fault for not behaving
Call me when you wake up. I wanna start drinking but I'm giving up hope on my life if I drink alone before 10 am
the girl walking home behind me started yelling and pointing "i want an ass like hers!" i feel vaguely accomplished.
I don't think people appreciate how hard it is to fuck in a portapotty. Sarah and I had train for that shit.
You know you're hung-over when you're smoking and have the strong urge to eat the cigarette. No more buckets of gin. No. More. Ever.
Love you too. There are very few people I let pee in my dishwasher.
Also, it was so cold in that bathroom that I saw my crap steaming, a first in my life
My party ended early and I have a mountain of shrimp and weed
We havent had power for three days. What else is there to do besides drink and fuck? I thought that was obvious.
He licked me while I ate pretzels and chips. I was really living my best life.
Randomize
