Call meee
Ok, but just to warn you, I'm as drunk as a Kennedy right now...
Do you think Conan would leave his wife for me?
I am one bad relationship away from having 30 cats.
I think we should see other people.
Already working on it.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It's not fair. Guys with dicks that huge should not be allowed to be catholic.
Today's forecast: A sex tornado warning has been issued in your area. Counties affected include your bed, your shower, or your couch. This warning is in effect until further notice. Signs of a sex tornado include: your girlfriend coming up with a huge analogy to inform you that she's ungodly horny today.
They told you that you couldn't fit in the dryer. Man, did they eat their words. You did brake the door though.
If you can find a Canadian Lesbian to have pity sex with me, let me know.
I just made cupcakes.... Vodka icing. Results in the morning.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm the man of the house if we're referring to livers.
It was all fun and games until he noticed the hickey that he hadn't given me...
Yes I am wallowing. There is a significant lack of cookie dough
Is it okay to thank someone for the orgasms they gave you, even though they weren't with you?
So, if you were also having sex around 11pm, then we were legitimately being penetrated at the exact same time. That is amazing. We are soul sisters.
and then she sorta stared at me like "holy shit" and I looked down and my dog was licking her ass
Ruff night.
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