The guy dancing on me has three visible teeth. WHERE ARE YOU?
just landed in detroit. Currently holding a bag of my own vomit. neighbor told me it was the most graceful vom she has ever seen. Kicking off bar exam week in style.
Then we started crawling around on the floor because we couldn't get up so decided to be tigers instead. Gotta love power hour.
Maury Povich's contact info is in our database at work...i should steal it right?
I just found a thank you note I apparently wrote to my bed last night for letting me borrow the comforter.
I consider it a good night. I met Jimmy Buffet, who grabbed my ass, and I body-checked a toddler. She had it coming.
IF SOMEONE ASKS YOU IF YOU WANT THE GOOD DRUGS YOU SAY YES.
First booty call in Europe.. In Barcelona. With a German. In broad daylight.... Is that how they do it here?
About to go out with the girl of my dreams tonight. I am looking at one of her hottest fb pics, to practice not looking at her huge tits.
yeah we're mixing orange juice, vodka, and rum and calling it Oj Simpson On Trial
These are your "grown up" slampiece's new hours of operation; please plan accordingly
My drug dealer just asked me to go see Les Mis on Christmas. Should I be worried this is some type of musical set-up?
How old am I that I had to sneak a boy out of my room this morning...
Well, personally I like to keep my blackmail in well organised folders.
Does it get any better than dating a guy with a vasectomy? The answer is NO. No it does not
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