What are we going to do tonight?
What we try to do every night. Take over the world
Why. Ill be the rabbit if ull be the carrot.
About me waking up with a tatto of a hamster with a top hat ?
hey.....beach week happens
i was so drunk that there were 2 of her, and i didn't know which one to fuck
after last nights cooking expirments i have lost all faith in the fire alarm battery
Drinking with birthday clown in the backyard shed at a 5 year olds birthday party at 12 in the afternoon. My life doesn't need any adjustments
Took 45 minutes to masturbate. Fuck you Zoloft. I'm never gonna be diagnosed with depression again
how the hell did this chicken wing end up in my cast?!
Sometimes I wonder if my parents know that I mean horny when I say lonely.
That's the only definition of lonely that I know.
Just walked into the bar to find a guy in a Boba Fett helmet leaning casually against the wall, texting. This night just got real.
The nun costume is coming back hard and it still has glitter and the smell of Vegas on it.
Best. Text. Ever.
considering I just took 3 shots of fireball I don't think I'm coming back tonight. also the hulk just walked in crushing beer cans on his forehead
MESSY REBOUND SEX HERE I COME! Time to start stretching to fit in my back seat again ...
idk what to be more embarrassed/confused about, that i lost my underwear or that i woke up covered in fried rice
I woke up in a warehouse with the words “Property of Adam” written on my chest in frosting.
Randomize
