I don't understand how he can't hear himself snoring, but he'll wake up to me sneaking m&m's from my junk food stash beside the bed...
I learned nothing from that class except drinking and chemistry go together great.
Her birthday cake consisted of a shot of tequila with a candle in it
Being back home for the summer opens up so many opportunities to have sex without increasing my number
I was just given a safe word. It's going it be an interesting night.
I'm hoping to finish this bottle of wine before I pass out, I don't want the remainder spilling on my white down comforter.
We eventually get in a cab (after david tried to hail multiple regular cars and some sort of shuttle bus)
You and Eric are like slutty bowling balls, and that poor family are the pins. They won't know what hit em.
strike, motherfucker.
The roommate asked me to make sure no one fucked in his room. And then preceded to give only me permission to fuck in his room. Had no idea who I was, just thought I was trustworthy cause I had Edward 40 hands. Felt like a Tarantino movie.
We were in the middle of fucking and she was just like "Do ya wanna play Harry Potter Scene It?" I musta been really bad lol Anyways, her tattoo healed nicely.
The other guys kept waking up so I hid... Like, dick in mouth, hiding in his sleeping bag
He wants another date...I mean he's cute, but I just am not ready to give up my glamorous single-girl lifestyle here.
you mean the one where you drink out of the carton and don't wear pants?
Yeah, and pee with the door open. It's the little things.
I would give a kidney to fuck him and he knows it. That bastard.
while giving me head, she stopped, looked up at me smiling and said "ill never be able to look at bananas the same way again" and then went back to work.
It was just a hint of nipple. I kept it classy!
Do you even hear yourself?
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