so she proceeds to puke everywhere, look up at me like a sick dog, and then say, "i'll finish if you want me to."
Well whatever you do have, it sure worked on me.
A Penis?
I'm not really sure how I got home, but judging by this headache, i'm assuming it involved bourbon.
I remember seeing LSAT prep books and thinking "Whose room is this? I should be hooking up with them instead."
the fact that my dorm room overlooks a children's daycare is enough initiative for me to have safe sex.
I wonder if they'd let me siphon the gas out my car before they impound it
Dude, you sent that text at 9:44 AM. Who thinks of drugs that early?
I am sitting here. Drinking from a bottle of vodka. Eating shredded cheese from a bag and waiting on him to pick me up after he finishes with his girlfriend. This is what dreams are made of.
That bitch makes my crazy look like a walk in the park with cotton candy
I just told my mother my "if there are drugs I'm only taking them if I don't have to pay" rule and witnessed her perception of my shatter and crumble behind her eyes.
Just walked by a girl saying to her friend "honestly you coulda given me any dude and I woulda fucked him"
You should've introduced yourself
This hangover is what we deserve after that level of debauchery.
i woke up in a bed of pop tarts
I DID NOT GO INTO HOURS OF STRENUOUS LABOR FOR YOU TO LOOK LIKE A DOMINATRIX BARMAID ON A WEEKDAY. AT LEAST SAVE IT FOR THE WEEKEND GDI.
We kicked down a door together last night, pretty sure that qualifies us as best friends.
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