Uhhh...do I owe you any money? Or an apology? Or anything?
Dude, hurry and get over. I need a wingman. She is on her 6th vodka shot and her resident ugly friend is still sober
Did you dl zombie porn on my computer?
You were scared that your teeth were shrinking so you stuck your fist in your mouth. then you were convinced your hand was growing cuz it got stuck so yu started crying
I've officially moved beyond college drinking. I just got business drunk at an internship seminar.
I'm sorry for throwing the cheese everywhere, but it wasn't my fault. No one was enforcing disipline so not really my fault for not behaving
your drunk mistake has arrived...he is the one wearing a poncho
hes like my own personal sex toy i use him on the weekends and then i have the option to put him away all week
I'm stuck on the dance floor between two fat people. I don't think they feel my existence. Please help.
Woke up with eyeliner streaked down my face, glitter all over my bed, and holding half-eaten Jimmy Johns. Plus, my whole family's downstairs for Thanksgiving... Welcome to the shitshow that is my early 20s
begin the sex magic rocket ship countdown
Everyone keeps telling me I look so healthy and happy today: the power of the penis people!!
I fucked a 6 foot tall guy who has abs showing without even flexing... I am a wizard and I have magical powers.
Fuck your fuckin pumpkin spice. You and your subtle differences frighten and disgust me.
Is it wrong that I have to schedule a family Sunday brunch around my mom's weekly banging of my stepdad. And why do I even know this??
Randomize
