I'm pretty sure I have jizz on the back of the dress I wore to church. Awesome.
That girl's pussy is like White Castles, you crave it once in awhile, but you know next morning you regret eating it.
she would only give me a road handjob because she didnt want to unbuckle
safety first
just had cupcakes and mountain dew for dinner-now i'm playing super mario brothers. 10 year olds all over the world would kill to be me.
At one point I was double fisting both beer & ice cream. I love public events in this town.
He was sweet. He even warned me that his dick curved, and I quote, "more than a banana."
I have no idea. There are 6 asians singing hey soul sister to me right now.
How could you not respond to a text containing the words "goat man" ?!?
He's not letting me leave till I cum. I am a hostage to my own vagina
Still dying that you shit outside
I don't know, I think it's at least a minor achievement when you can light up with the guy who took your virginity and act like you didn't have and incredibly awkward sexual experience together
I literally have nothing else left to cut besides my drug budget; the dark days are among us
I just woke up ass naked on top of all my sheets, with no blinds in my room because i used them as togas, my back is killing me, im covered in sharpie, i have no memory of last night, and im pretty sure im still drunk. I consider the night a success
I feel like I spent all day wearing underpants made entirely of poison ivy and sandpaper
On a scale of 1 to 10, with 1 being “good” and 10 being “banging a student’s father”, how bad is it that I’m banging a student’s father?
Randomize
