I just want you to know that me val and amanda are drinking on top of a hill lookig at the chicago skyline drinking icehouse and we just peed in public.
i looked at dads computer and apparently he was looking at job ads on craigslist and the only one clicked that turned purple said "GET PAID TO MASTURBATE"
literally followed a trail of condoms to the bus stop this morning. Ahh modern-day bread crumbs
A lady just asked me if you "seat yourselves" here at qdoba. I told her yea and she has been sitting at a table waiting for someone to take her order for 25 mins.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm proud of us, I'm cleaning up the place and I haven't found a single beer can that isn't empty.
and my souvenir for the night was a nice ambulance blanket
We ended not having sex. I didn't want to explain that I was wearing a Unitard because all my socks and underwear were dirty.
For only eating leftover pizza for breakfast today, you sure do have a lot to vomit up...
Just turned your apartment into a democracy and were voting on who takes shots next
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So far in the last ten minutes I have tried to pour cereal into a plate. Today's gonna be a great day.
The second I see you we're shot gunning beers
It's gonna be 8 o'clock in the morning
And your point is?
Marry me
The only thing I had in my freezer before today was patron and cheese.
Didn't have the heart to tell him that while he was eating my ass I was laughing, not moaning, into the pillow
We just had sex in the shed while having a conversation about cheeseburgers...so that's how my day is going
Sorry about the nipples in that snapchat. It was meant for the Australian.
Randomize