On a scale of 1 to 10 how hot is the girl you're about to fuck?
Strong 6
That's an oxymoron.
well at least you didnt have sex with him. i feel like a proud mother. you always have sex with them.
anyone who says having children is the best experience of their life obviously has never seen a vending machine carry vodka in Capri sun pouches.
in my defense, he kept drinking all of my water.
he had diabetes and you told him to stop being a pansy!
Hefty paycheck and not get wasted can't exist in the same night
Do you think it's illegal to work at a bar if you're on probation for a DUI? I need a night job where I can meet men.
when he pulled his cock out I told him he'd brought a knife to a sword fight
Thank you for not puking on my lap during the first class of the semester. And fuck you for doing it in the second.
Every time I walk onto campus my Saint Patrick's day scar starts to throb. I'm like a drunken accident prone Harry Potter
My stalker sent me an erotic poem. Who knew anyone could find a way to rhyme birth and girth so eloquently?
I GOT THE PAPER IN AT 11:58
EAT MY ENTIRE ASS COM 101
I'm just glad I met someone who probably won't punch you in the face
I realize ur driving andwont read this til u stop, but I'm sleeping in the bed of the pickup. Please don't hit a deer.
I’ll always remember that day you sent me that random nude on accident lmao changed my life
The cat's telling me to stop taking acid, and to start doing the lords work. I'm almost 99% sure he's talking about the dark lord.
THIS CAT'S GOING TO TURN INTO A SNAKE AND KILL ME! GET OVER HERE NOW! BRING YOUR WAND.
Randomize
