I kind of wish I was already fat. So I could eat all I want and not worry about getting fat. Cause I'd already be at that point.
the cops didnt even say happy birthday to me :(
Have you ever noticed how boring internet porn is after you cum? I can't shut my computer fast enough.
did you fuck him yet?
hahaha who do you think your talking to.. a nun?
Idk how she did it. Either she watches freakier porn than I do, or I really need to go get tested.
I'll bring the barf blanket just in case.
He said my labia gave my vagina a "cute personality"
She didn't talk for 45 minutes. We finally convinced her to open her mouth. There was a flower in there.
I can't say "baby i'm to high to talk to you" in Starbucks.
The things i do for you...I put all those condoms on a bed, complete with girl, and you sleep in the bathroom
No don't worry! What are obnoxious, alcoholic, slut roommates for if not for uplifting words and tales of my folly?!
And the sky opened up and god said.... "WET T-SHIRT CONTEST!!!!"
Just put me in your contacts as coyote
Grilled cheese and shark week. Unemployment done right.
She flashed us last time and pissed all over the floor this time. I'm scared to invite her back.
Randomize
