I just sold weed to a guy holding a baby...does this make me a bad person?
He quoted an N'sync song to confess his attraction to me. Needless to say, I had sex with him.
there needs to be a "man fax report". like car fax. type in the guys name and bday and up pops all the bad shit he's ever done.
just because she threw up on my junk doesnt mean i dont like asians anymore
Damn, it's been so long since I had sex I could use the cobwebs from my vagina to decorate for Halloween.
My roommate says its rare that you can be tear gassed before you lose your virginity so i feel accomplished in life
Finally better. I had to use eye makeup remover to get the purple wine stains off my lips
I've decided that my night was probably over when I started eating the penne vodka with my hands.
Also we saw a clown getting arrested. Rochester is weird.
I gave him shit for taking my sloppy seconds and when I woke up my eyebrow was gone
C'mon. I'm still an alcoholic at heart, regardless of its broken or not
NO SHITSVILLE I just saw a homeless dude punch a pigeon that flew by him
He has no idea I'm scrolling through Instagram while he's going down on me. I'm so bored.
How was your day?
Peaceful. I left the house to get paid and get fried chicken.
Also you think METH is on the same level of wanting to see the movie cats? We’re gonna unpack that later
Randomize
