I just saw a homeless man with a cat on a leash. reminded me of you.
what made it akward was his girlfriends dog watching us have sex
Swear. I think after passing out in a community college parking lot I can safely nominate myself for the piece of shit of the year award
I found him crying and drunk, in my closet holding a picture of Tyler Perry. He managed to say"he's just so many people"
I mean we've tried to get high on nutmeg, we clearly dont know the definition of "too far"
obviously he has no clue about college dating. it goes drunken sex then the 1st date
Why is it only times like these when I'm scrubbing the cum stains off my futon before my family gets here that I seriously begin to question my life choices?
The doctor asked me what height I fell from to hurt my back.. I answered keg height
Ended up at a lesbian bar and almost got stabbed in the eye with a dart. Weirdest bachelor party ever.
It's great when the cashier at the liquor store asks "weren't you wearing those clothes yesterday"
Leave the bottle at home cause either way I'm not taking another shot. You have no idea how long it took me to compose this text free of grammatical error.
Gold star for you, but I'm on my way and the soco is buckled in next to me. This is happening.
I wanted to get all my legit stuff out, but then I decided I didn't trust drunk me with my own things
Good decision.
When you're not at your house I assumed you're somewhere having sex
This is like 50 shades on steroids but with healthy relationship models and mutual respect among all parties involved and lesbian activity.
The only food I have to eat is weed gummies and magic mushrooms... This is peak 34
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