My TA just came over to give us drugs. Now he's drinking grey goose with my roommate and explaining his thesis to her. This is too much.
I sorta feel bad for the actual person in my fake id that got a drunk in public charge.
The silhouette of his dick looked like an eagle. Amurrican.
I just looked into the eyes of the man whose car I peed on last night
I dressed up as a breathalyzer test for Halloween; never had so many straight dudes blow me before!
I don't really want to have sex with him, I'd just want him in a threesome. Does that make sense?
You know those twins i had a crush on in grade school? Just woke up between them. Best. Party. EVER.
classified somewhere between kinky and medically inadvisable
'TWAS BUT A GLORIOUS SIGHT. BITCHES.
Of course I understand. Thou shalt never turn down a free meal or drink. It's one of the commandments of being a girl.
YOU GAVE HIM A BLOWJOB ON YOUR DOORSTEP?!
My gynecologist just said "don't worry, this won't be as hard as…well…" A FUCKING SEX JOKE NO
i think i just lost a toe
I want to be her friend more than I want to fuck her boyfriend.
Of course he did! You’ve seen my tits, you know he didn’t stand a chance!
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