Gonna be late. Someone jumped in front of our train.
I told her it just looked small because my balls were gigantic. She bought it.
so either half this theatre is as stoned as me, or day daybreakers is hilarious
My valentine's day: watching The Notebook, and porn, eating chocolate, and ice cream. All while jacking off.
Wow... you've managed to cover all of the sad girl stereotypes that exist.
After the second day the hotel realized I wasn't responsible enough to have a comforter, so they took it for the rest of the trip.
He told me i had to sleep under his bed. He said it would be my castle.
Well some days you just have to get blackout drunk and try to speak Spanish to French Canadian strangers
I can't believe he let me cut his hair as stoned as I was.. I think I even cut my own hair too
Not sorry that my walk of shame this morning was barefoot on my scooter.
my vagina is starting to think like a penis, and I'm not even slightly worried
god, I have more takeout restaurants in my contacts than friends
looked up people from my old yearbooks. 3 ex boyfriends are gay. im getting drunk now.
I have a story for you. It involves waffles and getting naked with the local weatherman.
She's astronaut crazy. She will wear Depends and drive 12 hrs non-stop if you swipe right.
Challenge accepted
I feel like a weird modern Betty Crocker. I'm icing a cake and looking at gay porn, if that's not an accurate portrayal of the 21st century idk what is.
Randomize
