she is using a fork to eat popcorn and refuses to drink gatorade out of anything but a margarita glass... did i mention the popcorn is on a plate?
I told her she has a very organized vagina; somehow she took offense.
Did you write "I hope this gives you aids" on my box of capn crunch?
This is the last pregnancy scare i've had since i was 12 and i thought you could get pregnant from masturbating.
Next guy we share better have a little more dignity than that
Well call me tomorrow, it's a great story that may lead to me being fired and/or possibly being buried in a shallow grave somewhere out in wine country.
How much did you drink?
Enough to be hungover and still think roller coasters were a good idea
I may or may not have just let Ash Ketchum capture my wild Pikachu in a parking lot.
I don't fucking know. He perched his parrot on his dick. I left after that.
I can't tell if this is a hangover or just a perfect combination of shame and regret
You ever just SEE a guy and know he's good at choking someone out?
It's 3 am.
If you can give me an orgasm, you'll get a trophy.
Is it weird that I have your number saved in my phone as baby Jesus?
You told everyone to shut up then told the officer that you are 21 when you drink.
Her mom Is so hot that when she was bending over i just zoned out starin at her ass her dad slapped me on the back an said let me tell you son everything you see here is mine and you had better realize i felt like simba
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