i've got a dick and you've got a pussy....what is the problem??
no... you woke up naked next to the toilet because you said your outfit was too cute to throw up in
i woke facing the corner with my computer and i had googled "how to put out a fire" i am so scared to turn around
an off duty cop drove behind me last night to make sure i didnt get a dui. i was blacked out drunk and on a pill of ecstacy. he knew this. i must be really pretty.
The National Anthem was on so I had to have a beer
I've crashed the car, it's a write off. The police are here and I'm dressesd as a crayon.
I wanna get shitfaced and yell about Tim tebow
I used the light from the first guy's text notification to be able to snapchat the second guy in the dark. I am too good at juggling guys.
Btw any and all sexual fantasies or arousal I had about cops is null and void.
I just ate cream cheese straight for my dog
I'm afraid to ask what that means
The cop told me I was the prettiest guy he'd arrested in a while. I'm still not sure if it was a come on or not.
Why is it that the asexual in our group is the one that gets laid the most often??
In other news, the one guy I DIDN'T have sex with in High School is now famous.
Sorry I wore your bra during sex last night
And then he served me a piece of a brownie on his dick. It tasted amazing. Such a good night!
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