I feel like my sweat is 40 proof right now
yeah but I shoulda known it\'d be bad when he start rubbing my pubic bone instead of the clit! Awkkkkwarddd
The good thing about walking home in a dress on sunday morning is that people mistake my walk of shame as a walk to God.
So I just passed a billboard for "Risque Cafe: Good food and topless women". Fuck. I love SC.
This got awkward about two "Oh yeah"s ago.
You stayed up for three hours wasted, feeding my rabbit 2 1/2 boxes of girl scout cookies.
its not a holiday until ive ruined the family picture because im drunk
No mixer. Vodka in yogurt?
She came to the party with six kegs and a life sized portrait of Lavar Burton. SHE WILL BE MY WIFE.
Is YOLO really just a socially acceptable way to say you enjoy putting things up your nose?
I am both excited and frightened by the fact that this much everclear is legal here. Best vacation ever.
everything in the house taste like gin even the water, friday nite was a success
Buffalo PD walked in my bedroom this morning at 7 am. Was still blackout drunk, fully dressed, Steak Out wrapper on the floor, parking meter on the floor of the bar room. 'Both of your doors were wide open, wanted to make sure no one was robbing you.' Then I made a pass at her.
he sent me a green and gold dick pic and advised me I needed to come drive the snake from Ireland.
Shit happens dude.
Shit doesn't just HAPPEN on the kitchen floor you asshole.
Randomize
