Dear everyone. As mark stated i did the 'piss n run' last night. This is all new to me and it scares me. Again, sorry. "if i could turn back time" -cher
I'm on the bus and the homeless person in the seat to my left is jacking off to a cartoon picture he found. He's now cleaning up with mitten I dropped.
No need to clean the puke on the driveway. The squirrel is eating it up.
If there was a god I would have a big mac right now, but i don't
So, how do I go about conveying: I'm sorry, yet very glad she is having my abortion. Via text msg?
My google history shows every combination of "red lobster cheesy biscuits" possible.
What's the policy for hitting on a girl at a funeral? She seems more bored than sad.
I feel like I just gave a blowjob to a freight train.
Everything smells like blood and olive oil.
pretend your vagina is a choco taco and the guy is someone who really loves choco tacos. let him enjoy the choco taco.
I'll just tell your children you were the queen of drunk town and you had a giant purple monkey named bongo
I'm pretty sure "good advice you would give to a freshman for achieving success" isn't constituted by introducing them to your addy dealer...
it is my civic duty to ensure the success of our youth.
I passed up getting laid last night. It's almost been a YEAR - what the Hell was I thinking, being so choosy??
Just realized I've spent more nights sleeping on bathroom floors the last two weeks than in my own bed. It's time to reevaluate my life.
Have you considered murder?
Other than my credit score and this bowl of oatmeal, not really. It's very messy
Randomize
