She rode me to the beat of Baby Got Back. I swear to god.
People were stuck in the elevator screaming and freaking out. I banged on the door and yelled, "fire depart!" They got excited and then I ran away. lolz
He suggested abortion before I finished the sentence. That was my plan too, but now I feel like should keep it just to prove how big of a dick he is.
its hard to take this fight seriously when one dude is an oompa loompa, and the other is a "g spot"
just passed out again, this time at a subway. On a positive not they gave me a free sandwich, pretty sure out pity but at this point i don't care
Nypd just made jon and hayes chug their forties.
it was like lady and the tramp only with a jello shot on the pool table
You keep saying things....but all I'm hearing is kegs
Hey ask him if he likes swappy seconds
You've gotta make sure the carpets match the drapes, though.
I am not dying my bush blue.
That's the ultimate walk-of-shame: running away from your own apartment and hiding in a McDonald's.
Apparently she almost had an affair at Outback Steakhouse, details to follow when I get home but the apple really doesn't fall far from the tree
Woke up with a 22 year old with the number for a different girl written on my stomach, almost 30 can suck my dick I still got this shit
I will be DAMNED if anyone but me breastfeeds my cat.
You were so drunk, you kept telling everyone you had a platinum vagina.
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