Just remembered I told my boss that matt used to make me toss his salad like every time we hooked up. Nice
i kind of just want to tell my cleaning lady I'm an alcoholic so it's not awkward when I stumble out of my room to go sit in my car for 2 hours and wait for her to finish cleaning the several empty bottles of wine in my room
You told me I was special while we were having sex and I asked why.
What did I say?
Don't ask me questions while I have an erection,
you better not pull some "waking up at 2 in the afternoon" shit, we have weed to smoke.
Meeting relatives from another state drenched in tequila and smelling of weed. I'm gonna kill you for soaking the only bra I brought in Jose Cuervo Gold.
Hey, just wanted to let you know that University Police stopped by and repossessed the stolen laundry basket. And the 8 bottles of detergent.
yeah we were the ones eating jello shots out of the back of a jeep in the bar parking lot
Sorry I don't make house calls. You wanna get blown you come over here. It's like rock paper scissors but vagina ALWAYS beats penis
Just had sex in the darkroom, while a class was going on ten feet away. I finally have a good sex story.
I'm sure you're still partially crippled from thar blow job on Saturday, so I understand it's probably difficult to text.
We were drunk having sex and I knocked over her bedside table/fish bowl and she jumped off to check if her fish was still alive but she made me pasta so it's cool
He's such a neat freak that he started making the bed while I was still laying on it naked. He succeed in case you were wondering.
momentary stint on a second floor library computer...guy next to me snorted blue adderall off his notebook through a cut straw, i cant tell if this guy is my hero or just plain crazy...
If you think I'm going to drive 5.5 hours just to bang a guy, you'd be absolutely right.
I can get weed and taco bell delivered but frozen peas and a loaf of bread are just too scarce, what the hell is wrong with people?
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