my mom just called and warned me someone is trying to serve me, i feel like i'm playing an extreme game of hide and go seek these next weeks
I just got a facebook invite to join a group called "bring back the old franzia spout." i never want our generation to grow up.
I am intoxicated and cannot bring you a burrito. However, if you want to bring ME one...
yeah, we figured out that passing a joint between cars was a pretty bad idea
Every time I try to stand up the back of my head feels like a bunch of little elves are beating the inside of my scalp with their toy making tools. What disease could this be?
I got eye-fucked by an 80 year old man wearing a cowboy hat while I was singing country. How do you think karaoke went?
He took the bartender's challenge and took a Jello shot with a tarantula frozen inside.
We smoked a bowl, ate popcorn, and watched her lava lamp for an hour. it was a quality bonding experience
Thats like me asking what you think of antisocial polish guys with mysterious rashes
I'm fucking blazing boy. 5hr weed sauce kicked in and my entire face feels like an 8ball of gold bond flying down a mountain of Fresh powder. Just gliding.
But if you do poop yourself let me know. I want that as a tagline. "So funny she'll make you shit yourself."
he called me ma'am when we were fucking last night...he's five years older than me. I think I'm in love.
It's my birthday. I should be drinking mimosas in a top hat, not working.
What?? I could've slept with an ordained minister!
He wouldn’t know a good thing if it bit him on the ass. Which, btw, I did.
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