Dude, just walked by a homeless guy pissing on the sidewalk while he was screaming at his wang. God, I love this city.
I just shaved my legs while pooping. classy or trashy?
talent.
i think i just heard my dad finish in the other room...
I caught a rooster roaming Edison Park then released it in the bar. They made me try to catch it again and somebody played the chicken dance while I chased it
I woke up face down on my laptop with three windows open: itunes, chat roulette and redtube
all i remember is stealing his cheesepuffs and shaving my vagina in the hotel lobby
If one more "stranger" walks up to me at the bar and asks how I have been, I am going to rehab.
I told him "thank you for wearing a turtleneck yesterday, I no longer have a strong erg to have sex with you. " He is no longer speaking to me.
if I just puked into my own hand, but then cleaned it up quickly, quietly, and calmly, am I still a trainwreck?
But for future reference, it might help your game if you don't tell the girl you're trying to get on your dick that she's "not the worst thing you've ever seen"
I feel like an elephant shit on me and left me to be miserable
I have discovered my latent superpower. If a friend is dating a bi chick they will inevitably try and talk me into a threesome.
His ass WILL be my cock's next vacation home.
I wish I had a dick so I could say shit like that.
They tried to dine n dash at dennys and the waiter jumped on their car and broke their windshield
I got laid while wearing a shirt with a picture with my little brother deep throating a banana on it.
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