i'm almost one hundred percent positive that i have a warrant out for my arrest in this city. i also don't give a fuck because im drinking TEQUILAAAA
...so i touched it.
thats the only time ive ever had sloppy firsts
I think drunk me is telling hungover me something... I just have to crack the code.
He seriously just asked the doctor if taking the medicine for chlamydia was going to cut into his drinking time. Never let it be said that he is not dedicated.
Depending upon how the Sox game progresses, I'll either cry on the bar or fuck someone tonight...
this is getting really bad. i thought the chandelier in the dining room was one of those claws from the claw games in an arcade and i spent the past five minutes jumping left to right so the claw wouldn't grab me
You tried to sit down... There was a distinct lack of couch.
The funny part was that the cop pulled us over cause the park was closed, not because I had just come up from giving the guy a blowjob when the cop drove by.
Apparently at some point last night someone gave me tequila. There was a few shots left when I woke up so that was breakfast. This is a good birthday
I can't wash the smell of tacos off my hands. I feel like the Lady Macbeth of Chipotle.
What shade of lipstick clearly states, I'm only attending this wedding for the drugs and groomsmen?
I would rather contract a disease that would eat me from the inside out and make me suffer painfully while it slowly killed me than to put myself through the 20 minutes of agony that is having sex with you ever ever again.
I think you're talking dirty but I'm not sure???
it was like where's waldo, only the stakes were much higher.
Just confirming I will be washing my asshole at your house at approximately 2:45 tomorrow afternoon.
The strangest confirmation message ever sent.
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