So he said if we had sex he'd take me to Build A Bear. My virginity is so worth a trip to build a bear.
You're 20.
IT'S BUILD A BEAR!
her last google searches are 'cheap african safari' and 'what does lion taste like'
She's sitting on the couch buck naked, eating a cupcake for dinner. I'm breaking new ground as a parent here.
its a long story involving jim bean, an owl, and a knife
iPhone photo doodle is awesome. I gave my vagina some lazers and sent it to him. He has a whole series waiting on his phone for when he gets off the plane.
I made weed fried chicken. What have you done today?
i swear to god even though i took those meds before coming here i did not hallucinate zulema silently throwing up into a breakfast burrito
Just saw my father's penis. Don't know what to say.
We're not even buying beer. Just vodka. In pre-retrospect this was a bad idea but we're doing it anyway
after last halloween when i met that 26yr old guy from russia who was hot until we madeout and he became obsessed with touching my forehead after the ecstasy he did and then tried to sell me pills from an m&m mini container, i think im staying away from parties downtown
Tried making out with pop rocks in my mouth. That shit is magical.
How bad would it be if I asked him for my "ho ho ho" thong back? They're my fav christmas pair!
I told you when I started the only reason I was gonna coach your kids soccer team was that I could meet all the hot soccer moms. So why are you so mad I slept with your ex?
I literally have nothing else left to cut besides my drug budget; the dark days are among us
hurry up. it's a friday night and i'm drinking in my office by myself. wearing a stewie griffin costume. the cleaning lady is judging me.
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