That poor girl was naked and had to be at a job interview in an hour
before i could say "i'm not that kind of girl", i was.
I thought she was mad at me, but then we did a pose off and I realized we're friends for life
My 10 year old brother handed me a pack of condoms and said "here, i don't wanna be an uncle yet."
your dad just showed up on the golfcart with a keg. i. love. our. neighborhood.
When I got up in the middle of the night, puked in his trash can, and snuck out the front door, I pretty sure he knew it was over.
Someone spilled vodka all over the elevator floor. Bring straws.
I wish I was a power ranger. Also the universe is immense. Like it never ends. Never.
If you do that, i will make all sorts of uncomfortable comments about my nipples being soft
My goal this weekend is to get a number that goes with the penis I take him.
Dressing as mugato from zoolander Halloween you may want to be the hand model. We can get you a fish bowl filled with Clementine Vodka and soda you can put your hand in.
My bank account got hacked so he showed up with a 6 pack wearing a superman cape to cheer me up and you question why I love him?
she and her cat are both sick as fuck so they just sat there looking at each other with her nose dripping on the cat's. both out of fucks
...and that is the first time I've ever wished fewer naked women on someone I like.
Did we have sex last night?
No. You laid in my bed and I brought you taco bell.