who do you think you are?
someone who doesn't ask that question
you know your drunk when 7 soccer players cant catch up to a tranny in high heels who just stole your wallet
I feel like our bond is deeper now that we're both sleeping with married men. now we're really bffls
You going to midnight mass? we need a dd
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did you know that if you have sex in the elevator on the way up that people can still get in?
The couch is in the bathroom. I don't understand how that is even possible. I couldnt even fit that shelf thingy through the door. Come help. I am about to pee my pants.
It'll just be like "PENIS HERE". In case you get lost.
i'm exhausted. do you know how hard it is to put together an outfit that is professional enough to secure a babysitting job yet slutty enough to let him know i'm down for sex during naptime?
Please come and kill me with a brick you dont even have to be nice about it just smash myfucking skull in this is the worst hangover ive had for at least a week
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I beer bonged before it even hit 4 o' clock. Please get on my level homecoming style.
We need to make tonight low-budget
Is this your way of suggesting flasks?
who is the naked dude on the coffee table
thats jeff, jeff is nice so don't be rude
I wish you could see all the crumbs in my bra....it looks like Hansel & Gretel got lost in my cleavage.
"I played a game called "how drunk can you get in a minute" last night. How was your Thursday?"
Why is there never any toilet paper at his apartment? What does he wipe his ass with? WHAT DOES HE WIPE IT WITH?!?