if she leaves who will i have to secretly talk about behind thier back
giving yourself 2 days to recover i see
I'll need it. Largely because i'm going to be stumbling through fancy restaurants with a bottle of whiskey insulting couples all night.
He moved away. I mourned his dick all of Sunday. I feel a little better now.
repeat this after me. period at the beach is better than baby at the beach. breathe. and: period at the beach is better than baby at the beach.
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I pulled down his boxers and a 20 dollar bill fell out. I'm telling you, the blowjob fairy EXISTS
You said your dick dragged you up the stairs
i was driving around baked, windows down jamming to third eye blind and eating grapes for 35 minutes before i remembered why i left my house
Kate gave me a 3 day old cup of tequila last night and forced me to chug it. P.s. i drew u a picture
I found out his name. Apparently we sat in the shower together and flooded the bathroom.
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its warm now so i can go back to sleeping with guys based on their fuckability rather than how much warmth they generate.
The same guy who pierced my nipples just told me he can help tutor me in precalc.
Also, just woke up in a Romney tank and sequin flag panties. Merica.
Yeah I was thinking something along the lines of "I almost died, lets celebrate with sex. Come over"
Sending dick pics while driving a car going 80 in the rain at night to a married woman? Why hello 2014
That awkward moment when your boyfriend tries to have sex with his go pro on #hdporn