Shes cool when Im fuckin smashed.....Sober.....She suuuuuuuuuuucks
My vagina hasn't been this smooth since I was 8. I better get laid tonight.
I asked her if she was the outdoorsy type, she replied "I had sex on a fourwheeler once, does that count?"
We are taking shots for every green Lon-Capa box we get for the homework.
The only people who have said happy valentines day to me today have been 2 homeless people.
We found her hiding in the bath tub.. And when i opened the curtain she replied "thank you" and walked out like nothing happened.
is pulling out brownies in the middle of class on 4/20 just too obvious?
Subtly mention that I'm not a lesbian. I would only go for rebecca's nipples because they're pierced and I like shiny things.
We ate our feelings. Then drank our feelings. I feel feminism delivered.
Braid them armpits, sister.
We're about to play the try not to vom at the president's house game...
So they just told me that while I was being loaded into the ambulance the cop told them if they were good friends they'd post it on Facebook...
The subtweets were good enough
I wasn't going to just ask my parents for a damn vibrator for christmas
Sometimes having a penis is like having a really stupid drunk best friend. You see it doing dumb shit but you're just not the one in charge.
Just almost drowned myself in the shower again. I need an adult.
All I remember is being in the middle of the road puking and my bestfriend cheering me on from the passenger seat...
Randomize
