the ladder is at the bottom of the pool
he needs to stop knowing everyone on campus...it's making cheating on him really difficult.
These bathrooms are miraculous. I'd love to have sex in here. Wow. I've peed 5 times.
You made out with my dog and told me he tasted like a rainbow.
I just found out that I slept with Kate Gosselin's publicist back in June . Brb I have to wash myself endlessly.
Alright, text me when you get close. I've got a mustache and I'm ready to get my day drunk on.
Woke up in a pile of people on the floor. His dad was already up and ask me to help him cook bacon because "7 lbs can be a mother fucker"
I either need to get adopted or have someone's baby, but I'm joining that family
I was about to attempt a citizen's arrest on my RA
I think I have to break up with him. I just cried, not moaned, screamed, etc, cried, with tears of sadness and disappointment when I came.
He just showed up on my porch naked with just a blanket and a trash bag
I'm drinking coffee out of a pasta sauce jar and eating fruit soaked in Smirnoff. I think I've hit rock bottom.
Please tell me that all of the things I remember doing last night didn't really happen. Please.
I have chicken nuggets, lube and brand new batteries, he can stay at work charting all weekend for all I care, I'm set.
I gave her two orgasms and then we laid there and she ate jelly beans out of my belly button...that girls a keeper
Nothing like walk of shaming to the bus stop in your bar clothes at noon and seeing the fire truck you work on drive past with the other shift giving you thumbs up.. Brotherhood at its finest
Randomize
