dude, that chick is coming to see me and stay for 2 nights. I'm hitting the 3rd in the trifecta of friends.
You're one hell of a depraved bastard dude, I'm borderline speechless. You officially win.
They all have matching tattoos so they're all official bffs. I love my life.
RAWRRRR IMA PURPLE DINO
dude i'm sitting right next to you.. stop texting me
just woke up to overhearing her on the phone saying "yeah we fucked last night, that makes 42." should i get tested?
well i fucked her too, so yes.
Well his aunt was in the next room so we had to be quiet. I felt like i was on an episode of silent library.
I wish I could walk around this campus with a big stamp that says "Approved" and just stamp girls asses as they pass.
I'm going to buy her a puppy, let her fall in love with it, then kill it in front of her. Does that answer how I feel about her?
there is something about beer and popsicles that make the world go round
I think we can all agree that the size of her boobs, combined with beer, is destroying my ability to judge looks.
Omg, those nutella cakes are heavenly, like licking the nipples of a muscular black Jesus.
reason #326 why I'm still single.... my date just told me there's a little boy ghost that lives in his closet because he likes his music.
how did you set a fucking salad on fire????????
Nothing ruins an orgasm faster than accidentally calling out his boss's name
I’ve gone two rounds already this morning and I’m ready for a third. The moon is in the house of sluticus hornius.
I’M PUT OFF FROM FOOD RN BC EARLIER I GOT SOME WATER AND I WAS 4 SIPS IN WHEN I NOticed A FUCKING BURGER KING F R Y IN MY D R I N K
I showed up drunk and covered in glitter, smelling like stale booze and dirty stripper and my younger brother gave thanks his life wasn’t a shitshow like mine
That’s how my thanksgiving went
Randomize
