oh right, i forgot that not everyone has a go-to blowjob
living well may be the best revenge, but it doesn't hurt that my exhusband is now dating a BEAST.
If someone cleans their bathroom and shaves their crotch for you you kinda have to admit the relationship to facebook
I feel like I could be a daytime drinking legend, like they could put that shit on my tombstone and right now your preventing me from reaching my full potential
Does anyone know why "math wizard" is written on my arm?
Naw, the sex dungeon had to come down so we could build a nursery. Cause and effect really.
For my birthday I want you to get me in bed with Donald Trump. That is all. You have 3 months
I made out with about ten people last night. And four of them were just on the way to my car from the bar. And one was my roommate.
The medical term is prolapsed anal walls if you want to look into it with dignity.
It's 90 percent alcohol, and 10 percent a whisper that says "get drunk"
True fear is being unable to remember where you hid your weed and vibrator in your parent's house.
When he said he lived in a closet I thought he meant his room was really small or something... But he actually has a queen size mattress on the floor of his roomates walk-in closet.
snapping my married booty call and next thing I know a plan b ad pops up
Was it a bad idea to have spent all of my tax return on coke?
I can't believe the MLB is making the NHL look good.
Randomize
