I hope you had to get up out of bed and walk across your room to check this text message
ok understand this, i didn't pay for your dinner bc you said i wasn't going to get a blowjob for at least a month... this isn't a mail-in rebate deal, you gotta pay upfront
I love watching others lives come down to our level.
Resolution for 2011: blow jobs are a privilege, not a right.
I haven't gone out since the baby was born. If I don't get arrested, in a fight, or both I'm going to be super pissed.
No, we will not be going out tonight. We are trying to grow the toy donkey in whiskey rather than water. Serious fucking science. Have fun at the boring bar while we Bill Nye it up in this bitch.
how did operation slutty penguin go?
pretty epic. there was a guy who was also dressed as a penguin. i asked him if he would keep my eggs warm while i went fishing for the winter
That final makes me want to drink myself into the fetal position
I used my yoga mat as a door stop so he couldn't come into my room when i was sleeping last night. Drunk engineering at its finest
Yeahhh, apparently my brothers think its ok not to check on me if a creeper is talking to me bc i "like those weirdo types"
Omg how many tall cans is too many tall cans for 1 pm
Although I'm glad you didn't let my climb in the sink, I really wish you would have let me pretend to be a duck in the shower for a little longer
I'm gonna play this game called Conquer the Dicks. I think it is self explanatory.
Is it bad I use my AA meeting to hookup with guys?
It's an interesting experience to pee while a bird meows at you.
You need to get out of the house more
Randomize
