if you are receiving this text, you are one of the people i hate
Taylor Swift is so right about you.
Just saw a british exchange student take a flyer for free dental care. Yes.
I'm having sex on a snuggie, yes i stopped to text you
I'm currently trying to figure out how I woke up naked and handcuffed to my bed. Not real worried about class right now.
They both told everyone they fell in a mud puddle
Oh they definetly fell in the mud, repeatedly, on top of each other
My afternoon will now be spent googling genital warts. I think my life is over.
No, I don't just love you because you have big boobs. I just wouldn't visit as often.
Bruce the cab driver wants to take me on a date to see Taken 2
We tried the hang n bang, remember? You ruined it by crying and telling me you loved me while blowing me.
omg i wish you could see the front of my car.
There's literally a dust print of your body and your arm trying to hold on and the other one where your fingers visibly dragged down the hood.
How did you get him out of the shower last time?
Order Taco Bell and leave a trail of burritos leading to his bed.
I'm so poor. I just wiped my ass with cocktail napkins... That I stole from the neighbors... When I was over there stealing Cheetos.
So I fell alseep while I was motorboating that girl last night infront of the entire party.
I see more hoeing in ur future
Randomize
