you made me "pop lock and drop it" as a sobriety test last night..
It's a special occasion. Hence the 151.
Apple should advertise that their phones are puke-proof. They would appeal to a whole new audience.
he was cumming and all I could think about was the pathway of sperm the in penis. thanks a lot nursing
She was wearing my robin hood hat from Halloween shouting "steal from the rich and give to the poor, mothafuckaaaaas." We are taking her everywhere.
Since when do you jog?
Since hot shirtless guy that lives across the street jogs
Man. Apparently I blacked out between the 4th margarita and my air mattress. Asleep in my jeans at 10pm. Mom outdrank me again.
Walked in on my roommate covering his dick in blue frosting. Am staying with my folks for the Forth. See you Monday if the brain bleach works.
I just googled, "what type of cured meat does my face taste like", and one of the top results was, "The Definitive Guide to Bacon." I couldn't make this up if I tried.
I just want somebody who'll randomly bring me pizza and lovingly squeeze my butt. Is there a dating app for that, do you think?
Can you come unlock the door? I just peed myself on the porch.
There's a fine line between kinky and serial killer
Such a shame we didn't work out. We would've been a power couple producing NFL linemen :/
I just woke up naked in a bed with your brother. WHAT THE HELL HAPPENED TO NOT LETTING EACH OTHER DO STUPID THINGS?
You fucked my brother?!
I'm totes in the mood to go home and like blindly inhale dangerous amounts of porn
Randomize
