I blew a .224 after sleeping for 6 hrs, cleary im a champion
You better get here soon. I'm about to spend $30 on a cactus online
I'm shivering and sweating at the same time. Thanks a lot St. Patrick.
i'll never see her again. i cant remember her last name. this is like cinderella except prince charming drank too much jameson and couldnt save a phone number properly
careful of the bathroom.... theres some drunken ninja turtles in there....
Straight up if I get stuck with her I'm going to drink myself into a prison cell.
I'm in Burlington Coat Factory. This place'd be great if you were on E. There're so many textures...
I'm kinda hoping that if I rub the right object, a genie will come out
He wanted me naked, so I got naked. You can't hold that against me.
All I have done at work today is eat and try to get my coworker to tie me to his bed again
Nothing like waking up naked and alone on your floor to remind you that you make life mistakes often.
i just woke up to her giving me a toothy BJ so I had to break into your bedroom and steal about 4 condoms. Sorry for waking you. :(
I wouldn't marry anyone who wouldn't symbolically fuck a doughnut with a sausage though.
We had sex last night...... This "Friends" thing is going well.
I just want him to make us coffee. And whack off into the sunset
Why did I not realize how important my fridge was till I was drunk. It keeps all my food cold its like my own cold box
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