im officially scared..,i finally realized who my boyfriend reminds me of! spencer pratt
Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawn mower thinking of you
When she e-mailed me back asking for proof, complete with hospital intake records, I just told her it was a home-birth. I'm prepared to take the fail.
I couldn't sleep so I drunk ellipticaled for an hour. Worst. Idea. Ever.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She tried to beat the waitress over the head with a bread stick because one of her martini olives was missing a pimento. All while screaming "IT'S GAMEDAY BITCH"
Olive Garden will never be the same.
If I got to choose how I die, it would be in an Olympic sized pool of gin and tonic.
You're not horrible. Thank you for my pandas.
So his 25th anniversary post of love to his wife was almost verbatim what he said to me last week. Does that mean I win or lose?
You know what I realized today? That my biggest regret of freshman year was ditching you and that foam party to have a one night stand with a skinny jean wearing vocal major.
I am concerned for your priorities but also really flattered. Flattery wins
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm starting to think that Cosmic Steve ripped me off
How do I explain to work that I woke up in my underwear on a trampoline and that I'm not coming in?
Can u pick me up? Lost my keys.
Sure. FYI- you "lost" them on the roof, trying to throw them over the house.
I woke up to find I still had sequins under my tits. I'd say Sunday was a success.
I’m going to give his broken heart CPR with my vagina
On a scale of one to 10 how Risky is it to sleep with a married man (all morals set aside)
Randomize