3:40 am: you never wrote back on my facebook wall
I woke up to him trying to put his dick in my mouth. When I asked him what he was doing he said he was trying to make me stop snoring...
they ran out of cups so I just drank out of a cowbell.
I was passed out on the couch, she literally cut my boxers off with a 8" chef's knife and had her way with me.
i feel this outfit says i'm better than you, but i might give you a handjob behind a building
I now beleive the Trojan Ecstasy ad "feels like nothing's there". They forgot to add "...cause the condom broke."
I don't know what you're talking about. I just drank beer out of my own bellybutton by doing a backbend and letting it run down my body.
Found a Safeway Deli Sandwich in the shower this morning... Perhaps the 9th beer was unnecessary.
She made me sing happy birthday to myself at the urinal.
I experienced pure joy just moments ago when I looked down and saw that I had another pop tart to consume down my mouth hole.
Remind me in the future that chugging dog codeine is not the best idea.
It's like a toaster oven for my penis
I can't blame him for thinking that then, placing a cone shaped potato chip on the tip of his penis post bj is not a normal act of love
If I was a guy I'd keep a condom in my pocket, in my wallet, in my backpack, in my car, in my shoe, behind my fucking ear
I threw up in my 8 AM. Morale is low.
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