walking on gravel proved too much for her barefeet so she traded her bra for some guys sneakers.
I believe that I finger-banged my way to the top of the corporate ladder.
so we told my parents we were going trick or treating. got high as shit at some playground. and then bought our own candy so we looked legit when we got home.
When he went down on me, I saw his bald spot... It completely ruined the experience
Eventually the creepy theater major quirks will come out. Probably in bed. Like role playing as the Phantom of the Opera
Just had a thought: were the sirens on when we were in the ambulance?
we're almost there. Shes pounding on the car window telling the nurse whos on a smoke break to fuck off.
I tried to fuck this guy who I'm pretty sure has an erectile dysfunction
I know this is random but to this day I regret not having sex with you on that atv on the top of that mountain underneath the American flag.
Currently cooking 3lbs of bacon in case the power goes out bc if even one slice of bacon goes to waste then sandy wins
I'm trying to get WebMD to diagnose me with a hangover
I was so gone I thought the cops banging on my door were kids from the party trying to get into my room... needless to say, I started moaning louder so they would take the hint.
I think I've forgotten how to blink. Help plz?
The Wolf of Wall Street “I ain’t fuckin’ leaving!” speech when the cops broke up your party though...
That moment when you’re at the doctor to give a sperm sample you’re only getting 3G so the porn is buffering
Randomize
