At my boss' house at a bbq. Had a few beers. Taking a poop - there's no TP...this is my nightmare.
he was wearing sponge bob boxers. Guess how long he lasted.
I think I'm maturing; i was gonna watch porn and then take a nap but i motivated myself to put my laundry in first.
im like that movie w. ryan reynolds, no ones ever going to date me unless they're forced to marry me.
he asked me to help him wrap his girlfriends birthday presents. Dont worry we fucked right after.
Im going home to examine my vagina with a hand mirror. wish me luck.
I just licked the seasoning off all the doritoes in the bag. Tell me when I should stop drinking or I'll just move on to the sunchips
You know the party was great when the birthday girl gets arrested
Except there is my pee all over the walls now
Sorry, they don't make maternity Power Ranger suits...
I don't even know if I LIKE sober sex any more.
No. Dude. I didn't knoe it eas floibg to move. It's slepprru ixuy!
we didn't even throw knives this time! it was just the carrot peeler
I don't know what else is in your wedding gift, but I just pulled out a pair of handcuffs in front of her grandmother.
Also a whip and a blindfold. Don't be a bitch, enjoy it!
Whoever was the bastard/bitch/genius who duct taped my keys to my dick so I wouldn't lose them. I hate you.
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