Now that I've come to graduate college. I realized the only discernible skill I learned was how to roll a joint properly. go me.
Well thats $24,000 well spent.
Drunk roommate walked in on us and asked if we wanted to go eat a sandwich with her in the bathroom.
No... No really he actually thought the condom was meant for his hand...
Is it possible to get a DUI in a wheelchair that's not yours?
It wasn't the stripper that gave you the hickey but I just figured out who did
I'm figuring, since someone shoved pizza crust in my ear last night, there might be some leftover pizza.
Do I really need this much space in my mouth?
Are you already high?
You know its going to be a good day when you have to brush your teeth out of a cup in your room using the vodka and water mixture in your fridge because you're locked out of your restroom
I wanna be like, dude, I peed your bed. Like you laid in my pee. And we're not dating. You can find another fuck buddy who I'm sure won't piss on you.
Hey guys.. So I accidentally broke the front door last night
I'm on my way to bail our sister out of jail with our mother's credit card. How old are we??
I do have a history of lying to Customs. I once convinced them I was an astronaut.
Just got done being naked and Mooning the cops. I'm still alive. Let's drink.
Can we start referring to attractive men as "A fine piece of dick?"
It's nice doing the walk of shame at 530 am, the birds are chirping, campus is empty, and it's dark so noone can see who the Fuck you are
Randomize
