Dude?? where did you go after Wildcats last night? Last I heard you went off with one of the girls we danced with?
Negative - This is his GF, Bobby is in Jail for a DUI. Thanks for the info.
is this the only place in the world where you can get shot on one side of town, and have to stop for cows crossing the street on the other side?
i was like a deer caught in headlights with its coke-dick hanging out
suddenly SuperBad didn't seem so funny anymore...she did have her period on my leg.
giving a 30 min presentation still drunk is like giving birth, upside down in a pit of snakes while being on fire.
She referred to her collection of sex toys as an "arsenal." I'm not sure whether to be scared or excited....
So last night I learned something new. Whenever I drink beer out of a bottle a random guy buys me another one. It was like as soon as the glass hit my lips every guy in a 20ft radius got a hard on.
i don't know what part of 'duct tape bikini waxes' seemed even a little okay in our drunk minds, but i'm never drinking with your sister again
He raised his arm and dropped it in his sleep to smack himself awake. He knows his phone has an alarm clock right?
What if everything solid was made of oreos and everything liquid was wine
I just got chills
"I'm 95% straight," he says. Cut to him on his knees...by far the most beautiful guy I've ever fucked.
went out last night. woke up with a lisp.
How do you make a Facebook status saying how much you fucking hate yourself without being aggressive enough for people to worry about your safety
Cuz that's where I'm at
I just saw puke on the road at the same stoplight i threw up at sunday morning! Makes me smile inside.
I can get weed and taco bell delivered but frozen peas and a loaf of bread are just too scarce, what the hell is wrong with people?
Randomize
