You'll be the first to get a "it's herpes simplex 1" cigar.
this morning he rolled over looked at me and said "oooo, you look like i need a drink" and then put on his clothes and left without another word
Totally about to meet up with Ryan in an empty parking lot. Expect to fuck him. Yes I know it's 3am. Slutty? Possibly. Excited? Damn right.
my mom just wingman'd for me at a bar. i really don't know what else to say.
oh but the power of the cock will take you to places you never been..i flew to hawaii once to sleep witha chick
As punishment for throwing up on my car, I am holding your phone hostage until the morning. You can read this message after I drop it off.
Don't ever tell me I'm a bad friend. I woke up at 7 this morning to drive your mistake home because you wouldn't get up.
I think its safe to assume that the 40yr old undergraduate with purple and pink in her hair and a tattoo of the eiffel tower above her ass crack has never actually been to Paris...
i'm covered in glitter and body paint WTF
We're showing the video later bring pizza
Is it weird that i want a guy to ask me to homecoming by spelling it out in meatballs?
THATS VERY WEIRD
I'm proud of all of us. Somehow we all survived another Jägerbomb Tuesday
Nothing says I'm committed to you for all eternity like letting him wear crocs to the wedding
So his dick was definitely bigger than it looked in all the pictures he sent my daughter.
He serenaded me say anything-style with Weird Al songs and then blew me on the beach. I'd say he's a keeper.
Can you leave her a note saying "did you enjoy watching me fuck your roommate?"
I will.
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