filled out health questionnaire for lower premiums a little bit too honestly. Literally got assigned a life coach.
im doing shots everytime lil jon says it in the song shots....blackout town here i come
I just watched a video of Justin Bieber kissing a girl..... the sad thing is that I actually got upset.
He hid IN a snowbank for 2 hours waiting for me to come home. This game has to stop before someone dies.
I just called him "young grasshopper" in a conversation. THIS is why I don't get numbers when I'm sober
I was informed that last night we held hands while puking on the curb outside the bar.
We just have a real special relationship.
I've decided that my night was probably over when I started eating the penne vodka with my hands.
I just spent 20 mins in the shower washing n rewashing my body to get rid of stripper. I even loofa'd my face.
I'm not going to pass up the opportunity to be half naked and covered in glitter without facing judgement or legal prosecution. I'll be there.
He was so aggressive it felt like he was giving my boob a root cannal
We're too hungover to prance.
there's a 50/50 chance the night will end in alcohol-induced rituals of satanic nature
Couch. On fire.
I'm her ex, so unless you're interested in her massive moral failings and open season vagina, I'm not your guy.
Would you still love me if I got a Whatever Forever tattoo? It's like the Emo kids' Live Laugh Love
Randomize
