Do you feel that fire radiating from matt's crotch for you
Gross. gingers suck
Her underwear doesnt even match. If youre going to be a face book whore at least have matching shit.
He just helps fat girls get exercise. One walk of shame at a time.
He explained how that handle got into our fridge. I think i'm going to stick with my original assumption that the vodka gods want me to drink more vodka.
its official: beach shits are the exact same as mountain shits
Im shrooming at the foot of a tree on top of a mountain. Feeling fly as fuckin socrates and bon iver.
be proud. or at least amused. an 18 yr old and a 25 yr old at least makes my average hookup age this week the same as my age.
Are you awake? Because I would like to know whether or not I should refrain from giving my evil laugh when I enter the apartment...
Just to be clear, the only reason you're allowed to scream "COCKTAIL SERVANT" at bartenders is because you have nice tits
We have such limited time together he literally sends me text messages that are like "I sent my roommates on an impossible quest, we have 15 minutes." it's that bad.
Body paints and jello. Your canvas awaits
Another sexterpiece awaits
Remember that time you puked in a beer pong cup while someone else was playing?
that happened
this whole "benign brain tumor" is truly a blessing in disguise. I almost want to start bringing MRIs to the bar because sympathy pussy is flowing like the nile
Noted. Next time you want to get fried chicken and cocaine.
Ok. That just sounds baller.
I called him Oliver all night
His name is Brandon
Dude... Those don't even start with the same letter...
Randomize
