Too bad my thesis topic isn't "defining a hot mess: a study in drinking, smoking and other bad life decisions."
time for a it's-monday-night-and-this-week-is-gunna-suck-drink.
both the worst and best vomit ever... it was extra chunky and thick cause of the sausage... but it also tasted like delicious sausage... also cause of the sausage
This girl just introduced herself as Queefer Sutherland. She's on a roller derby team. What. The. Fuck.
I swear the pregnant cashier was jealous when I bought my plan B
I made him ride the giant pony statue in my friends little sisters room before i let him get in the bed.
No. I heard a cover of "my heart will go on". This is not sanity.
There was no eligible dick at the ER. I'm pissed. Looks like "Searching for Strange at the Local Free Clinic" is a no go for the name of our first full length album. On the other hand, I got a dilaudid shot and I no longer feel like I have the worst bladder infection of my life.
Just ate a chocolate chip cookie upside down. This is what having a degree does for you.
My penis needs a shock collar
I just watched a stripper purchase $43 of Rockstar and corn nuts. Godamnit! We need helmet cams.
I wanna hang out. The cats don't talk back.
Woke up at my x's house. He said I talked about how much I love panda's for fourty five minutes. Then made him watch The Little Mermaid with me. Made the walk of shame infront of his mom. Things can only really go up from here.
Wait till you get home.
i had to call the bar to ask if they found my bowling ball. That good of a night
God knew I'd have horrible taste in men, so made me asexual to ensure I'd never fuck them.
Randomize
