I wish I could tape me & him having sex. Not for pornographic reasons, just for comic relief.
I miss you. Just wanted to say that before the drugs kicked in so it's legit.
so i was sitting on this guys lap, and we were flirting and everything right..well his phone kept ringing, turns out it was his pregnant wife...she had gone into labor..
I literally just watched a girl motorboat herself
Still can't believe they give people like us a drivers license and college degree.
At one point in time, he cried and said I didn't appreciate him.
I found my phone outside under the leaves by the curb. What the fuck did I do last night
There's strippers and bear every where so ether you gave me the wrong address or this is the coolest birthday party thrown for a seven year old ever.
I threw up in the darkest corner of the bar last night, then watched 2 girls freak out in disgust after walking through it. I then realised I puked on the dancefloor, took a picture and proceeded to send it to my mom.
it was good, but also weird. like, i came four times and then cried weird.
Pandora was on point with the sex music tonight
I don't think it counts as a booty call at 6:30 pm.
My diet fell off the wagon when I began texting the pizza delivery guy my location on frat row.
He was gone for 5 minutes, opened the car door and said, "Don't eat my shit." and dropped Chipotle on the passenger seat. He was gone for another 10 minutes and came back with Coldstone. That stoned.
Um. I just realized I still have a beer in my purse from last night. I'm at work. I am so classy.
Randomize
