just put a funnel in my mouth and pour the tequila in with a little emergen-c
I am spending my work day planning my weekend drinking schedule
Wish you were here....
And I wish your mouth was around my cock, but that never happens, does it?
Highlight of the day: realizing the man in the car next to mine was getting road head... at 2:45pm... nicely done sir, nicely done.
If you fool around, take the WHITE sweatshirt off of her first. It's mine, and I don't like your cum nearly as much as she does.
Did I really just find a cheez- it box full of condoms in your room?
If she says "This is how acid feels" one more time I'm never trip-sitting them again.
official rule: if your drunk, it doesn't count
then nothing in my life counts
You coulda licked the floor this morning and got drunk.
Not much. Some creepy guy on Grindr thinks he knows who I am and where I live. So I sent him to that place with jockstraps and bacon. Hope he has fun.
The cops wrote boobs in the police report. ...vandalism is our calling
I'm excited for you as you venture towards new drug experiences
Im selling my dirty underwear to pay for that cruise. NO JUDGEMENT . I love you lol ❤❤ also dont tell anyone
Weight watchers just said "you've tracked beer three times recently, want to make it one of your favorites?" I'm begining to understand why I needed to go in the first place.
God, I missed his penis.
Randomize
