Taking a 35 year old indonesian home, only in vegas ;-)
I just saw Sharon Stone's cootch in high def. I think I'll stay gay.
Silently passing ghastly beer farts as I move around the bridal department at Tiffany's. Call it my contribution to the holiday spirit.
Dude feel your hair right now it feels so weird like pasta
You better drive. If I decide to let them talk me into a 3-way, I don't want you to be stranded.
Dude, she brought over peach cobbler, weed and alcohol plus I'm gonna get laid. She's by far the coolest sister you have.
You may see me wearing your shirt to class. It's because I still have the spins and I'm anticipating throwing up on it. Asshole.
Lets start a coed nudist frat/sorority. It would be amazing. Or just an orgy club. It would also be amazing
I smell like a skunk, but I'm okay with that.
I just took a service station dump so foul I had to buy gas out of guilt
Should probably stop going into the gas station to look for the most normal person to hitch a ride with to drive me to a party
This is it. This is the birthday cake that gets me laid.
apparently when she asked me how drunk I was on a scale of 1-10, I answered "bitch I'm fabulous" and tried to do a sassy hairflip. but I have short hair.
Omg in one week, two guys with their own names tattooed on their bodies had their tongues in my mouth. Self loathing shall commence now.
just answer this one ? for me. why is there human shit in my shower right now?
Randomize
