it was terrible. i could've done a better job by myself.
You decided to make a porno with gummy bears and things went downhill from there.
just skyped with my friend to listen in on the people talking shit about me in the library. creepy or strategic?
Thanks for stealing lime trees for me at 4:00 am. We're well on our way to having sustainable supplies for mojitos this summer.
once you get past the part where you think youre gonna die, its the most amazing drug ive ever experienced.
It was tug of war between me and the cop. He wanted the beer, I wanted the coozie.
Please call me back as soon as your phone is charged, if you die tonight I don't want the last thing I said to you to be "I just farted a little"
Sorry for drunk singing "love hurts" to you at 3 am.
I'm silent, like a masturbating ninja.
She was literally passed out in a cubicle with a flask in her hand. I LOVE finals week!
Can we agree to not tell mom about this?
This isnt even the most disappointing thing i know about you.
the last thing i remember was the norwegian kid tacking a bag of wine to the ceiling, then boom! shower drain.
Did your surprise acid trip turn out well?
I had sex in the bed of a guy who owns a house last night so I feel like this is a significant step up from car sex in the parking lot of a library
Sometimes, it’s important to take a moment and kinkshame yourself.
Randomize
