she called me screaming that i shouldn't ignore her phone calls, because she's not trying to get me to hang out with her and she doesn't want to be my girlfriend, she just wants sex.
what did you do?
i asked her out. that's so hot.
why did i wake up to an event notice that says "Shit Just Got Real"?
i love that we sang a whole new world together while you carried me through campus
Ask him about the girl he took home Saturday night. I swear she voted for Kennedy.
ARE YOU SAYING THAT YOU DON'T WANT TO GO TO A PARTY AT AN ADULT STORE WHERE A BUNCH OF HOT GIRLS ARE DRINKING
How bad would it be if I wore out the dress we got peed on in. You're the only one who knows.
He called me skinny, I broke his garbage disposal, then denied him sex. Normal second date etiquette.
He was chasing Ciroc shots with sips of Captain Morgan... he didn't make it to midnight
Well that was the first and last time I've had to write "divorce party" on a request time off form. I'm throwing it for my mom. What is my life turning into.
you made me suck your tit in the car and kept saying "good boy. I love you so much. good boy."
Come over. I have beer, your weird ass vegan pizza, and a raging hard on.
Marry me.
I'm so happy we share a mutual love of laughing at religion.
I'm sorry about the spring break comment. I won't make anymore pornos, I promise.
there's no judgement here...i was recently just fingered in my dorm hallway while having a conversation with 5 people.
can we do this tomorrow? ...i accidently got high.
Randomize
