it was like my fingers were behind enemy lines
In attempts to Not be THAT GIRL in front of my new crush I will only drink a 12 pack instead of my normal case.
so as we were driving to pick up my grandma from old navy she procedes to yell into our open window.. "I'll make ya holla fo a dolla" umm...
he passed out on the stove with a cup in his hand. yes the pictures are hilarious
Seriously wondering if smoking a bowl for lunch was a bad idea.
OR THE BEST. STAY TUNED.
I sleep with the gay men, they no longer have questions about their sexuality. No strings attached at it's finest and i get new shopping buddies out if it. It really is a win win situation.
You are my idol.
Basically I learned last night that if you're too polite people will think it's okay to play with your nipples when really its not even a little okay
You stuck your entire fist into a full jar of peanut butter and starting assaulting people
With your fertility you would just get contact pregnant
I got laughed at by a homeless guy in a Daniel Boone hat. I have no clue what this means for my day
She gave me what I will now dub a "hurricane sandy". Loud, wet and sloppy BJ that made me want to stay home and complain about shit on the Internet
Dude, you punched me in the face bc I wasnt ordering your tbell fast enough. Then when you got it, you threw it out the window bc, and I quote, "OBAMACAREEEE!"
My vagina has a heartbeat. That means I'm in love, right?
Had a dream we were competing for tomatos.
So i woke up on a park bench... Using my shoe as a pillow, cuddling a empty handle of vodka... Yet I'm still in my living room. Someone please tell me why all my vodkas gone? I'll deal with the park bench situation at a later time.
Randomize
