my dad just told me that a lesbian kissed my mom at a bar last year
I mean i might have to drop this class tomorrow. I just walked into a midterm
I want him to get the hint. I sent 4 texts that only said "sex."
He got arrested in front of the church last night. Looks like we need to find a new location for the wedding.
I need to get my pants from under your porch. People are asking questions.
I'm having horrible flashbacks of being groped by Pauly Shore.
Was this before or after he told that homeless man outside the bar about his past sexual experiences?
I like my landing strip. Makes me feel sophisticated.
What you did last night can never be called sophisticated. I don't care how you trim your pubes.
I dove into a random van at the bar as the door was closing and ended up at some house with people I've never met in my life dancing in a basement
If you can get laid in a rudolph onesie you are doing something right my friend.
You were convinced you would hurt my car if you opened the door. Then you barfed in the pretzle bucket Peter gave you
This power is too much for most humans to handle safely. It's like having the nuclear launch codes, except it's my penis.
You caught me at a bad time. I'm stoned enough that I'm ready to sleep but also not stoned enough that I wanna smoke again but also stoned enough to not wanna drive anywhere
Godammit I caught my hair on fire taking a bong rip
How can you tell that you're blacked out ?
You can feel it in your nipples.
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