So called my VP's house on Sunday drunk and told him that if he didn't hire me for the new position I would skull fuck his wife. They asked me to go home today. Thanks again Vodka
Why do bread and butter chips remind me of eating out your mom?
we're doing shots for every degree below freezing it is outside
As soon as he told me I had a 'pretty laugh' I knew I'd be putting out more than I had originally planned.
They don't exactly give out small business loans to start-up dealers
this ms. usa coverage has sucessfully humbled every girl here. depressed fish in a leaky barrel. go!
Yes stubble LOOKS hot but factor in his shitty bj skills and I might as well have jacked off with apricot scrub
Why don't you throw your vagina at it and see what happens?
Since you're going to wake up and see one bajillion missed calls from me, I just want you to know that's a perfectly reasonable number. Now come downystairs.
I either have a razor blade lodged in my throat or I've been drinking entirely too much Evan Williams.
Let's buy some Wrangler jeans and be real live men.
Get off me. I'm done. I want a cookie.
Everything is bullshit and I hate everyone
Nothing says happy Monday quite like coffee and oral sex.
When you trip so hard that you can see your friends thoughts through their pupils.
Randomize
