She was not exactly lady-like. Down there.
youll never guess who i didnt fuck at that party
Cruel joke of nature. Hair on head runs from face, and hides on various parts of body. Aging sucks.
Do you think he likes his girlfriend's moustache?
I apparently tried to stop my spending of money by sealing the top of my wallet with gum
A freshman just referred to Home Improvement as 'tim the tool man show'. People born after 1990 are not people.
not exactly restoring sanity, but he is throwing up on the national mall right now
We could make it a date. Dinner and a show. The show being my nipples getting pierced.
Have u seen my thong? Last time i saw it was drenched in vodka and on his brothers broken lamp.
Nah but tell him his boxers made it to the basement
My vagina is not really on board with my "emotional issues"
He asked if he could pull one of my teeth "to remember me by"
Pre-chapter meeting quote: "Why is there a bun literally taped to the shelf? That doesn't even make sense when you're drunk, who does that?"
You know that feeling when you wake up and your whole body just smells like a penis?
He literally shoved the EMT, climbed in the back of the ambulance with his vodka and was like, "C'mon, people. Wrap this up. I got shit to do."
hey i'm sure you are probably asleep bc you suck and think sleep is necessary to live or something?
Randomize
