Did we have sex?
No you put the condom on then passed out on the bed so I left
Thank you for leaving pool of vagina on my girlfriends carpet.
How long is the appropriate time period between a pregnancy scare and breaking up with my girlfriend?
You were making dinosaur noises while jerking me off..
She says I'm cute and I remind her of her brother. She's too hot to back out now. I don't know. I'm guna go for it.
Petting the cat and listening to "you've got a friend". This is why I smoke weed. To make sense of situations like this.
for once, the $56 i am about to pay for plan b was actually worth the sex.
I'm just planning on experiencing Disney as adult style as it gets. Drinking bloody mary's at dawn and telling all the kids waiting in lines how badly their future sucks and that Santa isn't real.
The effect you have on my penis from a different state is impressive
We need a bunch of roses, some chocolate, 2 cops, a mariachi band, and a thermometer
You slid down the wall and got into the fetal position. He was definitely judging... I was judging....
Im invoking the "no judgements" clause of our friendship.
My god, what have you done?
Handcuffs. Recoverd. I'm a goddamn detective.
I was asked last night if Magnum makes a XXL..... I don't think I've ever broken this many condoms in my life
I wish drug dealers had sales for the holidays
Randomize
