drank two beers while on the toilet at home during lunch break. new high or new low, not sure
I just saw a guy masturbating vigorously at the bus stop across from del taco at 2:30am...im pretty sure he wasn't even homeless
I'm so hungover And my mouth is so dry it feels like my tongue is wearing a sweater
part of me always dies a little when i go to the "2 women seeking 1 man" section in craigslist's casual encounters to find nothing there. it's tragic
So I'll spare the details, but I think I discovered I'm lactose intolerant. In my sleep. And you'll be needing new sheets.
I walked into the bathroom and the toilet was on fire... I stood there for like a minute trying to decide whether I should put it out or get my camera.
It doesn't matter if he doesn't speak English because I speak the international language of blowies.
Can we ask the Hungry Howie's guy to pick up some blunt wraps on the way over?
i wanted to ask her what his dick looked like but i thought that would be weird for the first time i met her
I was at that stage of drunk where it seemed appropriate to just make out with everyone. As like a greeting.
I hear you
Make sure you have everything youll need until sunday. aka a green shirt and condoms.
True. On an unrelated note I helped post bail for both of our ex girlfriends last night. Russian roulette: guess which one is pregnant?
the mexican frat downstairs started singing this mariachi song, then out of nowhere some dude busts out a trumpet and plays along. is this even real?
I tried to suck your dick underwater and almost drowned
I guess she found the pillow case full of vomit I hid last night: "Oh my God. Oh my God. In my fucking FRIDGE?! Really? Hope your dick falls off there's puke all over my food. Fucking die."
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