those bitches were sniggering at my man-pris like they were goddesses of fashion!
...dude i pray you are quoting something, someone, anyone...
The best thing happened. Some guy was butchering Conway Twitty at karoke and the power went off in the whole bar. And someone shouted "you pissed jesus off when you messed with conway!"
listen if there's one thing I'm asking of you tonight is that you buy me a cow for my farmville.
Tell me you're stoned. It's 2:40am.
Just talked to the girl you brought home from the bar last night while she was looking for her panties. She said to tell you "nice try".
You never go ass to mouth. That's quite possibly the most important rule Paramedic school has taught me.
He woke up next to me, said I "wasn't naked enough" and fell back asleep. I proceeded to blow him.
Dude he fell into my wall and left an imprint then decided to have sex with the door open. Vents carry noise pretty well
We HAVE another bedroom, it's not like I was gunna chain you into the closet. Often.
Yeah. I asked if there was a finger in my ass at some point or if I had a weird dream. So far he hasn't responded
i wore just an American flag as my costume-huge success. 20 people pledged allegiance to my ass including a senior frat boy at the keg. God bless America.
I'm not getting off this floor. I love this floor
How do you explain to your kids that you met their mother well you were giving her a gynecological exam??
Woke up in a house I don't know, with someone else's pants on, and wolverine hair, to my girlfriend yelling on the phone about the 4 girls I made out with last
My bookbag can hold 30+ beers. They shoulda put that on the tag bc its a big selling point
Who put the toilet in the living room? This is extremely inconvenient right now.
Randomize
