Black lace...the rest is up to ur imagination
why did i wake up with a kid named Raphael in my bed this morning?
I dont know but you did call last night to tell me you found the last ninja turtle
thought so. i woke up and he was playing with my eyeliner. I MAKE GREAT CHOICES.
One of the cleaning ladies on my floor just screamed from the bathroom
I'm like a warm blanket that has sex with you
not only did i soak my thesis by spilling celebratory shots on it, but i also stained it with lipstick making it obvious i tried to drink the vodka off it......dgaf, worth it.
I woke up to a text that said, "I can see you but can't get in." It was the pizza delivery guy who saw me passed out drunk on the floor through the front door.
No more vodka shots for you. Last night you begged a man on your knees to sell you his beard. He had no beard.
Well you know it's going to be an interesting night when the bathroom attendant is doing hail marrys
I dunno if you guys are having weird sex or a most accurate bird sound contest but either way stop doin it
I would like to dedicate my cray behavior this week to my uncontrollable hormones and wine. Both have totally Efff'ed with my life.
I woke up completely naked with the exception of my leg warmers. Last night must have been interesting.
Cancelling your gym membership calls for alcohol.
I just walked by a dude at the gym covering himself in olive oil.
Just set the kids up with doughnuts downstairs so I could go up and masturbate uninterrupted. I am such a good mom.
Randomize
