whats a more ladylike way to say "fuck me on your lunch break"?
I really hope your girlfriend didnt have your phone while i texted how much i loved doing it in HER car with you :x
the level of his annoyance + every insult he makes = the closer I am to telling him im fucking his ex
No. Especially when my uncle started stripping. Too many shots. So that's where I get that from.
that would be two times in a week with two different guys.
they have the same name so it only counts as one guy right?
i don't really know how much tequila is too much
the only reason i invite her is so when the guys start to hit on her i know it's time to take their keys
You need to tell your booty call to take some sudafed or something. I swear I thought you were humping Kermit the frog last night
she told me if people cross their eyes and look at her, they say she looks like megan fox
Dude, I had to masturbate just to stay warm. Please pay the gas bill?
you force-fed me gummy vitamins while screaming "I JUST WANT YOU TO BE HEALTHY" i have never been so terrified in my life.
Being home sucks. I haven't drank in like a week. Or smoked cigs. Or done drugs. Or had sex. My body is shutting down.
Omg. It's like you're one of those deprived kids living in a third world country. We need to save you.
Meeting his dad and brother for the first time at the jail while I'm bailing him out ISN'T exactly how I pictured this relationship going....
I can't control his boners. I can only encourage them.
We are back but we are listening to stairway to heaven in my car. Amy is air drums. Be back when it's over.
Randomize
