Also, the republican called me again last night. He called me dumb and ugly then begged to come over. Gosh... he knows how to make me want him...
my penis was classy and tasteful, i don't know what her problem was.
drank two beers while on the toilet at home during lunch break. new high or new low, not sure
On the bright side, at least we arent the generation raised by fucked up teen moms.
frankly if you're gonna get kicked out of your place, hooking up with your gay roommate's boyfriend would be the most entertaining way to do it.
Your excessive judging is making this uncomfortable
she looked at me completely serious and said "orgasms are 15% Stronger during a hurricane" and started to take all her clothes off
She was shaking her boobs and I was so high all I could think was "breast maracas"
just saw sorostitutes streaking near the university president's house. thank you tequila day
I went home with a guy last night because he showed me some magic tricks and kept shouting "THEY'RE ILLUSIONS MICHAEL!"
No one should ever have to Neosporin their nipples. At least he apologized.
It's sad that I'm more proud of my Twitter account then my resume
just saw two eagle scouts making out in chic-fil-a
Had phone sex with my boss who I still haven’t seen in person. How’s your Monday ?
I’ve developed a strange interest in ear wax removal vids on YouTube. Dear god, I need to get a job
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